Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

With the kids away for the week, the house is very quiet. And very clean. Along with the quiet and clean, my husband and I marvel at how little food we actually go through when the three are away. It's weird, a bit of a glimpse at what it'll be like when they are grown and out on their own for real. I'm missing them terribly, so I have a hunch I'm going to go through some rough times when the time for them to make their own way comes. Thank goodness I have a few years yet before this happens. I can take these years to prepare myself. A good workout day today. We bought a contraption that turns a regular bike into a stationary bike, so rather than sink several hundred dollars into an exercise bike, we turned my husband's ten-speed into a stationary bike for under a hundred bucks. Now we have a treadmill and the bike to workout on. In addition to these, we have the thing-a-ma-jig that we can do pull-ups on, leg lifts on, dips, and an assorted other exercises on. We ha...

Another year is almost over, and for the most part, 2009 has been a good year. I really have no complaints. Even my husband being laid off effective January 1, 2010 cannot put a damper on my memories from the past year. If anything, he being laid off has been the incentive I've been needing to get a start on some projects I've been thinking about doing but haven't taken the time to put into action. It's kind of strange--he's losing his job and the quite nice salary that went along with it, and I'm the one who feels like I need to find a way to replace his salary. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but part of me feels like this is the chance for me to write my book, the chance for me to prove to myself that I can write and can make money doing it. I still have to go to my day job, I still have three kids to take care of, and I still have a mini-tri training schedule I've committed to. Can I really take on writing a book (actually I'm working on two b...

The festivities are now over, and the itch to take down the tree, the decorations, the lights adorning the porch has struck. I'm determined to get through one more day of leaving everything alone, though, and have decided to do the tedious task tomorrow. In the process, the whole house will get a good cleaning, a winter cleaning, and maybe stay pristeen for a day, perhaps two, like the several inches of snow that has fallen since yesterday. We really did get a white Christmas. A beautiful white Christmas. While I didn't take a picture of the inside of the mincemeat pie, the filling turned out very tasty. My dad loved it. I could tell by the closing of his eyes as he took his first bite, by the way his face took on a look of pure pleasure as he savored the flavors. He then gave a bite to my brother-in-law who doesn't like mincemeat pie at all, but after one bite of mine, my brother-in-law turned to me and said, "That's not mincemeat." The doctoring of the filli...

I baked my very first mincemeat pie. Though I didn't actually do the whole thing from scratch, I did add in some special ingredients to enhance the flavor. I wish I could cut it to get a picture of the inside, but I can't as it is supposed to make its way over to my parents' home for Christmas Eve dinner tomorrow. Mincemeat is one of my dad's favorite pies, and since he's always saying he doesn't want anything for Christmas unless he can eat it or drink it, this is his gift from me. Along with what I hope turns out to be a good bottle of wine. Because of the baking, the house is nice and warm today. Outside the weather is miserable: rain, rain, and more rain. All of the snow is gone after turning to mushy slush then dissolving altogether. Tomorrow more rain is to fall, and on Christmas more rain is to fall. I'm good with staying in, lounging in my pj's all day, reading, eating, and just relaxing.

The bike was brutal today. I had been using the recumbant bike until today. The seat on each, to say the least, is as different as sandpaper and cotton. My bum has been speaking to me ever since, and what it's been saying isn't fit for my mother to hear. How do cyclists do it? Do they wear padded shorts? I'm going to have to figure something out in order to get through the bike training. The swim yesterday went well. I did the 400 meters like I would for the mini-tri, only taking very short breaks at the end of each lap. I was able to finish the 400 in fifteen minutes. I'd say that's not too shabby. My goal is to get down to ten minutes. That might be a bit lofty, and I'll settle for twelve or thirteen minutes, but I do think I can shave off quite a bit of time by not stopping at the end of each lap. After doing the initial 400 meters, I used a paddle board and did another 400 meters. At about the 300 meters mark, fatigue set in on my left side, making me vere t...

I've always had a hate relationship with the scale. Ever since sixth grade, when we had to be weighed in front of everyone, and I weighed in at a beefy 106 pounds, I've avoided scales and weighing myself. I didn't know it then, but I was five feet tall as a sixth grader, and according to the charts, I was only six pounds heavier than the chart said was normal. But even the chart didn't take into account the type of body one might have. Over the years, I've learned a lot about body types and how a person's body type affects what that person will weigh. Also, each individual has a weight that his/her body is most comfortable at, making it difficult for that person to get to a lower weight. All through high school, from freshman year through my senior year, I couldn't get under 150 pounds. I played volleyball, basketball, and ran track, but I could not budge the scale to 149 or less. Today, almost thirty years beyond high school, my weight still likes to edge u...

With my husband's impending layoff just around the corner, actually what we will wake up to on New Year's day, I've been feeling less than filled with holiday spirit. In fact, I've been on the edge of anger for a couple of weeks now. I know the layoff isn't because of anything he did/did not do while he was working this contract. In fact, we've known all along the contract would only last five years, and those five years have come and gone. The anger comes from my urging my husband to save as much as possible during the five years only to have him tell me saving isn't important. Now. . .now he's fretting about money. A lot of good the fretting will do at this point. On top of his refusal to save, he went out and bought a new truck last year. A brand new truck. Not a used one like I encouraged him to buy. A big, spankin' new truck. His reasoning? Because he wanted a new truck. So now I have to take an overload at work to earn a little more money each ...

No swim yesterday. My training partner had some dental work done and wasn't feeling up to swimming, so we did some bike time instead. I went 13.6 miles in just under 50 minutes. I don't know if this is good or bad, but I'm going to try to do the 13.6 miles several times a week, working to bring the time down. I kind of surprised myself yesterday in completing the mileage without stopping or slowing down. I maintained a 16-18 mph speed the entire time. Another surprise is I'm not sore today. I guess all the running I've been doing is paying off. Who knew? One idea I had is to take a day in a couple of weeks to do a run-through of a mini tri at the gym. I can do the swim, change and get on a bike, then go to the treadmill for the run. A mock trial would give me an indication of what I'm facing come April 2010. I just might find I'm in no shape at all to do something like this, which would be helpful in establishing a training schedule. I kind of what to test m...

Tomorrow is the beginning of the mini-tri training. Swimming. I've always been a strong swimmer, so I'm hoping this is the area where I can do well since I have a tough time with the running. I've been running three to four miles most days of the week, but I just cannot get myself to increase the pace. Twelve-minute miles seem to suit me just fine. Maybe with the swimming and the biking I'll see a change in the running. Maybe. I've been training alone for most of the year. My husband started out with me, both of us working out, keeping track of what we ate, weighing in each Friday, and recording everything for the first 90 days of this year. When the 90 days ended, he stopped. He was doing so well, but now it's like he doesn't even care. He eats what seems like is constantly. He hasn't worked out or walked for months. The progress he made those 90 days is gone, and I'm incredibly disappointed that he has allowed himself to totally negate all the posi...

Every semester I always marvel at how quickly it seems the sixteen weeks go by. Sixteen weeks ago I was getting ready to hand out all the required paperwork and go through my usual this-is-how-the-class-will-work spiel. Now I'm returning the portfolios that demonstrate each student's successful or maybe not-so-successful semester. The portfolios mean a lot to me, maybe even more than they mean to the students who write the papers, the journal entries, the reflection essays that make up the final collection of work. As I go through them, I see the improvement made by those who want to do more than just slide by. I remember the days we worked on certain papers, the exercises I had the students do to improve their writing. I always wonder what I could have done differently to help those who are borderline; they completed all the work, but their writing shows they either didn't put in the effort needed or they just don't get the concepts that make up the course. These situa...

I've been lurking at triathlon sites, reading about what it takes to complete a competition, when lo and behold, a friend asked me today if I'd be interested in training for a mini. I haven't wanted to spend the money to go to a gym for use of a pool, so I've not taken the necessary step to really train for something like this. But my friend has access to a pool and can invite a friend. How coinky-dink is this? I jumped on the offer, and by the time I left work today, we agreed to begin training for a mini-triathlon that is scheduled for April 2010. We both registered for the event to confirm our commitment, so there's no turning back. I'm stoked. I've been running regularly on the treadmill, having decided to run a 10K and having decided to work on improving my time, so the running part is coming along. Last night I ran my first ever 10-minute mile. It felt so good. I've had the treadmill set at a 1% incline ever since the 5K, so I do feel like I'm ...

The movie 2012 is absolutely horrible. It is a complete waste of three hours. I knew it was going to be, but every Thanksgiving we have family movie day, and this year the drawing from the hat went to 2012 , which wasn't my choice. I had to suck it up and deal with it, and let me say, dealing with it was painful. I mean come on, an end of the world story involving the oceans rising, arks complete with animals, and a main character by the name of Noah. On top of all this, the message about Christians is very clear: Christians are bad and will be the ones who will bite the dust in the end, as is evidenced by the Christ the Redeemer crumbling and the Vatican disintegrating. Pa-leeze. The best parts of the movie were the few intimate last minute conversations between some individuals. Unfortunately the movie has few of these conversations. My youngest was unsure about seeing this movie since it is about the world as we know it coming to an end. Things of this nature bother him, so to...

The breaking news of the global warming emails that suggest cover up, lies, and deceit, such as Gerald Warner's blog article, just make me say, uh huh, knew it all along. I've been a skeptic from day one, and on occasion I've had some intense discussions with family members. Like many in the global warming believing group, family members play the "all scientists agree" card. I've always thought and said if that's the case we're in trouble. We'd be opening ourselves up to further cover ups, lies, and disingenuous discussion. We need scientists who disagree. We need debate. Being part of the academy, I know only too well how lonely it can be working where the majority hold opposite beliefs. While I have many friends, I make a point not to get into discussions that include politics, religion, and a whole host of other categories. I sit quietly and let my colleagues who are also my friends carry on their discussions which usually have them preaching ...

In March my middle child experienced a situation at the school he was then attending, which resulted in him being disciplined. He wasn't allowed to participate with the track team, and he was given a written disciplinary notice that went into his file. The situation happened during a field trip, and after much discussion between the parents of some students involved as well as some of the teachers involved, I was convinced the teachers were more at fault than any of the students. It seemed the teachers were not supervising the rather large group of students carefully, which resulted in some of the students behaving badly. My son, though he did not actually participate in the bad behavior, was deemed guilty by association. Needless to say, I was furious with how the teachers as well as the administration of the school handled the discipline. This was the beginning of the end for my son attending this school. The end of his attending this particular school came after two teachers inv...

I finished my first 5K. I even shaved 1 minute 20 seconds off my usual time. I give that credit to my daughter who pushed me the first mile. After that, I had to slow it down or I wasn't going to make it. Poor Dear Daughter had to reduce her usual pace to stay with me. I told her to go on, to give it her best, but she was very sweet and stayed with me the whole race. Towards the end, my legs were feeling quite tired. I don't usually run outside. I'm a treadmill runner. There's a big difference between running 3 miles outside v. on the treadmill, and I was feeling that big difference kicking in. The last tenth of mile I saw my hubby standing at the corner, smiling big. That's all it took for me to kick it in and finish. Between him and my daughter, I was able to find it within to complete what I set out to do. I'm one lucky woman. My daughter even told me afterwards, "This is going to be a mother/daughter tradition for us." I certainly hope it is.

Listening is something I'm good at. I get accused of not saying a whole lot, of being "the quiet one." This is because I'm listening. I'd much rather listen than talk. I know some people who talk just to hear their own voices. Annoying. Several of these people think they're funny. They're not. They're just irritating. Why do they talk constantly? Are they that uncomfortable with silence? I love silence. I've noticed I've become very sensitive to the slightest noise. Even the hum of the furnace running gets on my nerves at times. I have to turn it off to get some relief. Some nights I've had to leave my bed because my husband's breathing is too loud. While his breathing is not actual snoring, it's close--ragged, throaty breaths that chase the quiet from the room. Since it keeps me awake, I get up and go to the couch. Sometimes I just go to my computer and work until I can't keep my eyes open any longer. I'll return to bed bec...

The sadness over the suicide of a young man I only met once envelopes me constantly. I keep returning to the thoughts of how much potential no longer exists, of what could have beens won't be realized. Of how beautiful he truly was. Why didn't he see these things about himself? I keep back the tears, not wanting my family to see the sadness I'm wrapped in right now. I'm not sure they would understand. I don't even understand it myself. I didn't really know him but for the one day I spent enjoying his writing. He gave me a gift that day, and I told all I knew who would apprciate it about that gift. He had a gift to give the world. Why didn't he realize this? What haunted him so much?

I didn't know him well. I'd only met him once, for a day of writing on campus, a day when area high school students came to enjoy the kind of writing they were interested in. He was one of three students I worked with that day. Yesterday he took his own life. I remember being awed by him. He was the kind of bright that makes a person just want to sit and chat, hear all ideas because they're good ones. He was the kind of writer that worked magic with words. He just did it. So many of us struggle to put words on paper, but his fingers flew over the keyboard. He had so much to look forward to. Or so I thought. I don't know the particulars. I don't really want to know. I do know I wish he was still with us.

My first 5K is just around the corner, and I didn't run all last week. Stupid. Very stupid. The papers piled up, and I just couldn't justify going out for an hour run with three classes of papers waiting to be read. I've always prided myself on only having student work for a week. Never longer. The result was not having the time to run. Today I got out, took a three-mile walk with the dog, and I could tell I hadn't run in a week. Just walking was difficult. All week, with the pile of papers, I kept thinking there has to be a better way. Part of me thinks I should lighten up on the week-only rule I have. If students don't get their papers back after a week's time, do they really care? I decided to find out. I kept the papers from one class for a second week, telling the students I just hadn't been able to get to them since there were several parts to the whole project and it was taking me longer than usual to get through the papers. All of this is true. The s...

Football season is over. The boys had their last games yesterday, and both enjoyed victories. The youngest hasn't played much all season since he's fairly new to the game, but he did get to see some action yesterday. My oldest son played quite a bit, and yesterday, though he wasn't feeling 100%, he went out there and had a great game. His team finished the season 8-0, scoring 20 or more points against their opponenets and not being scored on at all. That's quite a team. Part of me is sad to see the season end, but another part is looking forward to not having anything planned each Saturday afternoon. Having quiet weekends will be wonderful, refreshing. I'm sure we'll end up filling those days with other things, but I'm really going to try not to. I've been thinking a lot of reducing, simplifying, and what better time to do so than now? The difficult part will be getting the others to go along with me on the simplifying our lives. Seems like they like goi...

The semester has been a bit rough. Not just for me, but for many of my colleagues, too. I don't know what's going on, but dang, if it's not a student coming in with nothing prepared that should have been prepared, it's a student getting into a car accident because the driver of the other car was texting while driving. If it's not a colleague having to deal with family issues and thus needs someone to cover his classes, it's a colleague out sick, really sick. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm ready to get this semester over with. It's like a huge black cloud is hanging over the college right now, and that cloud just needs to move on out of here. I did get my midterm grades turned in before the deadline, so that is a positive. Not sure the students will see it that way when they get their grades, but hey, que sera sera.

Yesterday I had an encounter with a stranger that has left me thinking about it still today. It wasn't anything major, and I really don't know why I'm thinking about it. I do think, though, that something happened, something that I'm supposed to pay attention to, but again, just like I don't know why I'm still thinking about him, I don't know why I'm supposed to pay attention to my encounter with him. All I was doing was getting coffee for me and my husband before we set off for a two hour drive to his mom's. As I stood at the counter, waiting for my husband's hashbrowns, I looked to my right. A rather tall, handsome man stood a foot or so away. He was dressed casually, in a fashionable athletic outfit, and he gave the impression that he knew what looked good on him. He had graying hair and a graying moustache. He was one of those guys that is aging really gracefully. He looked at me, and I mean really looked at me, not just this passing glance t...

I love fall. The leaves changing to red, gold, yellow, and brown always make me nostalgic for the falls of my childhood, when we lived in southern Michigan. The smell lingering in the air, that of cleansing away the heat of summer and vegetation becoming part of the earth, makes me inhale deeply, filling my lungs, my being with what it might mean to be in the later stages of life. The brisk air means I can wear my flannel pajamas, which I hurriedly change into everyday right after I return home from work. I settle in for the evening, snuggling into the couch to watch TV or read a good book (sometimes a bad book). Darkness creeps in earlier, making me slow down, not feel the need to always be doing something just because there is still daylight. Soon we will set our clocks back an hour, shortening our daylight hours even further and giving me even more reason to settle in early. Sometimes I think I'm still too young to stay in as much as I do. I've never been one to want to go o...

Ahhhh. It's so nice to be over feeling awful. I so seldom get sick that when I do I feel really horrible. I usually don't get down for too long, though, which is always nice. I've bounced back pretty good from being sick last week. I did take more time off from running than I wanted to, but I figured I'd be better off by taking a few more days than pushing it and not getting better quicker. I got back at it this morning, only two miles, but that's okay. I'll work my way back to where I was. My favorite season began a couple of days ago. I love fall. The trees changing, the temps falling, the air taking on a musky smell urge me to just sit back and relax. I find I do seem to slow down, pay more attention to what's going on around me. The pumpkins are ready to be set on the front porch. The yellow mums are bright in the gray light of the rainy days. Doesn't get much better than this. I'm getting things ready for my second charity dinner. My first dinne...

A nasty cold took hold of me on Sunday and hasn't let go since. I've been going to work until today, when I was on my way but could barely keep my eyes open to drive. I figured it was time to cave and just stay home. The world certainly isn't going to stop because I can't make one day of classes. And I certainly wasn't doing myself any favors by trying to go on like I'm 100%. I tell my students to stay home if they are coughing and sneezing, so I took my own advice and confined myself to bed for the day. I slept until almost 2. When I woke up and saw what time it was, I was stunned. I knew I was feeling completely worn down, and I knew I hadn't been sleeping much at all for the last three nights, but I didn't expect to go back to bed this morning and sleep for six hours straight. It's amazing to me how our bodies try to tell us, but we don't listen most of the time. I'm feeling quite a bit better now, thanks to uninterrupted sleep. Maybe I...

I finally did it. I ran three whole miles without walking at all. And I've done this more than once now. I even ran five miles the other day. I'm finding that once I get the first half mile in I sort of fall into a zone. It may be a slow zone, but I get there and keep going for the three miles. I know I can now complete a 5k, and this makes me want to go to work on bettering my time. My friends laugh at my time--12 minute miles--but it's a start. By November, when the 5k is, hopefully I can bring it down to around 30 minutes. I know my daughter will push me since she's faster, so maybe I could even get lower than 30. That would be great. Being able to get my mind into the mix has been a long time coming. I'm getting there, though, and for that I'm happy. Updated mileage ticker:

Only three yards separate him from the goal line where if he can get the ball across, his team will gain two points, and be in a fine position to hand the other team their second loss of the yet still young season. He's called The Beast by his teammates, being taller, heavier, a mostly-grown bull amongst calves. His usual position is on the line, right guard, steaming foward when he hears the call, cutting in halves two defenders double teaming. But on this play, this very special play known as Jumbolicious, he's off the line, now a fullback who receives the ball, hopefully carrying it to the endzone, battling enemies determined to crack his armour, tear him down, leave him prone. His comrades crouch low, ready to spring to action, pushing, shoving, opening a hole for The Beast to crash through; his cleats find traction on the close-cut grass, and he rolls toward the white line, seeking satisfaction. Fingers clutch at his jersey, pulling him left, pulling him right, but head do...

That's what I've been feeling for some time now about writing. The problem? I'm not writing. Why? Everytime I sit down to try and churn something out, nothing actually comes out. How can it be that the kind of want I'm feeling exists but nothing comes of it? So, instead, I've been reading lots of different works: Emerson, Whitman, Tolle and others. I feel like there is so much out there to learn about and not near enough time to learn it all. Part of me thinks perhaps I'm not meant to be a writer. After all, I am forty-five years old now, and if it were meant to be, wouldn't I have already written something worthwhile? Another part of me says age shouldn't be a factor; lots of successful writers didn't make it until after mid-life. It comes down to persistance. Which is it? I'm not ready to give up, which I think is a good sign. I'm going to keep chipping away at it until I either write something that is deemed worthy or another five years go...

With summer basketball finished, it's time to begin football. Both sons are playing this year, one for the Juniors and one for JV. I've never been a true blue football fan, but after watching the oldest play for the first time last fall, I've become more interested in it. We go to their practices, set up our chairs, then settle in to watch for two hours. Sometimes I take a book or my computer, but mostly I just watch. Last night was the first practice for this season, and both boys went to work like football was in their genes. Definitely a guy thing. My husband is in heaven, having two boys playing football. Though he's not the biological father of the kids, he has always acted like he is. He's always treated the kids like he's the one who was there to change diapers, nurse them when they were sick, help them with homework, or whatever. Even when he talks about the kids, it's "my kids." He is the only father the kids have known for the last seven ...

With summer vacation winding down, my thoughts are turning to returning to work. The time for getting paperwork in order is approaching, and I'm of two minds about it. Part of me is ready to get back into the routine of classes, but another part of me is resisting the idea of having to live by that routine. One last week remains before I have to hang up my summer hat. We returned yesterday from a week traveling. My husband's job is secure for another six months, so we decided to take the summer vacation we'd canceled a couple of weeks ago. Our journey started with a return to two of my childhood homes. I hadn't seen either home for more than 30 years. Part of me was really hoping both homes would be the exact same now as they were so many years ago. Unfortunately, neither were. My favorite of the two, an old farmhouse with a a long drive and a big red barn out back is now mostly just the farmhouse. The barn is gone, and many of the trees from the front yard, along the d...

Weatherwise anyway. Still cloudy and cool days. Even cooler nights. We're pleased as punch not to have to have the air conditioner on, but here we are on the downslide of July, getting close to having to return to school, and the weather has not allowed us to get to the pool on a regular basis. This morning, I decided I'm tired of being cold. I want to wear shorts and sleeveless shirts, but the breeze is too cool for even this. Right now I'm in sweats to try and stay warm. Hopefully August will bring warmer days. The cool nights can stay as they are great sleeping weather. The cool weather is great for working out. Being in the garage can be unbearable at times because of no air circulation. With the cool weather, I can walk/jog on the treadmill for a long time without getting overheated. I'm logging some serious miles, helping my little ladybug along her journey to 500 miles. I should have over 100 miles for the month, which is a good start for me. I do need to pick it...

This summer doesn't seem much like summer. Lots of clouds, lots of rain, lots of dreary days. The sun hasn't crushed us like in past summers, and I'm kind of happy about not using the air conditioner nearly as much, but it would be really nice to see the sun, be able to go to the pool with the kids, and just snooze on the lounge chair while basking in the warmth. This morning the sky is clear. I'm wondering how long it'll be before the clouds roll in. Plus, we didn't take our annual summer vacation. Job worries. The hubby doesn't know yet if his job will continue. He's tense. I'm tense. Things will certainly change around here if he finds himself laid off. We've played a lot the last couple of year, which has been really fun, but we'll have to pull on the reins quite a bit if we find out the job is eliminated. We can make it on my salary, but we'll not be able to play like we used to. I'm okay with that. I've been saying all along...

But now I don't. I started running in June to try and move some of these extra pounds that are refusing to budge. I'm up to two measly miles, but that's two more than I used to do, so I figure two's not so bad. I'm contemplating running a 5K which means I'll have to be able to run at least 3 miles nonstop. Thankfully, I found a great website called Couch to 5K that offers weekly workouts to help one get off the couch and into 5K shape. While I just found the site this week, thanks to the wonderful site called My Fitness Pal , I'm around Week 4 in training, so that's what I'll be working on this week. Last night I walked/jogged a total of 6 miles, finishing all sweaty and tired. I love being sweaty and tired, though. Makes me feel like I've accomplished something. Six miles is the farthest I've ever gone in one workout. Now I'm thinking maybe a longer walk/jog on the weekend, maybe eight or nine miles. I can map out my route before I go, u...

A week ago I stumbled upon a website called MyFitnessPal. I've been wanting to record everything I eat each day to see just how many calories I'm consuming, and I thought there should be something available online to help me out. Lo and behold, I found MFP. Love it. Absolutely love it. After the first week of keeping track of what I eat as well as the exercise I'm putting in each day, I lost 1.6 pounds. I'm now in week two, and my husband can tell I'm still losing even though I won't get on the scale until Friday. I can tell, too. My clothes fit better than ever, and I'm not afraid to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I had gotten to the point where I wouldn't look at myself naked in the mirror; I just hated how I looked. Now I stand there and examine myself from different angles, liking what I see. I started this weight loss venture in December, right after Christmas, right after seeing a picture of me where it was sooooooo obvious that I'd gain...

Yesterday, I was a PBB, a Parent Behaving Badly. I'm not proud of it, and having behaved so poorly haunted me all day, tormented me as I tried to fall asleep last night. I finally just had to tell myself I was never, ever going to behave like that again, no matter how frustrated I became. This is what being a parent of a basketball player has come to, and if it means I can't attend the games, I guess I'll just have to stay home and get the low-down from the kids afterwards. I played basketball from fourth grade through high school. I was pretty good. For the last few years, I've coached a 4th/5th grade boys team. I know the game fairly well. When I see really bad reffing, I get so frustrated and sometimes say things I shouldn't say. That's what happened yesterday. At one point, while the offending ref was looking right at me, I mouthed, "You suck." He knew exactly what I said and smiled. Not too long after that, another parent sitting in another part o...

Whew, it's been awhile since I last wrote. I've been in and out, first to Puerto Rico for a long weekend then to Indiana for a couple of weeks. While I know I can write anywhere as long as I have internet capabilities, I just haven't felt the inclination. Sometimes, right after a semester ends, I turn everything off, including my computer. I just need the time away to regroup, gather myself together. Now, after more than a month away, I think I'm ready to begin writing again. Though I haven't written much during the last month, I have been reading. I read all nine books of the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, and now I'm on book five of the Lily Bard series by the same author. The Lily Bard series was written before the Sookie Stackhouse series, and it shows. The author certainly matured while writing the Sookie series. While I like Lily and all her quirks, sometimes she gets on my nerves. She isn't one of those character who grows and changes i...

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind. Now the winds are dying down, and the stress is beginning to lessen. This afternoon, after picking up the boys at school, we headed to the cinema to see Monsters v. Aliens in 3D. Talk about fun. We were the only ones in the theater, so we didn't have to worry about talking or laughing too loudly. At times, one of us would reach out to grab what seemed to be coming straight at us from the screen. This time of the semester, I have a bit of coasting I can do. The students are finishing up their portfolios, and I have nothing that needs to be graded until those portfolios come in. Then for three days I have to read, evaluate, and factor the final grades. At the end of those three days, I can give a final sigh of done. Once the grading is finished, once the grades are submitted, I will clean my office, turn off the lights, and call it a semester. In front of me will be three months of whatever happens to happen. I kind of like that.

My two youngest kids attend a Catholic school, and this year has been particularly difficult for the older of the two. At this point in the school year, I'm ready to take him out and put him in the public school system. The way I figure it is in putting him in the public school, I'll be paying a lot less for imcompetent teaching. Why pay thousands of dollars for the same in a private school? To me that doesn't make any sense. As such, today I went to the junior high down the street and asked for the registration packet, filled out the forms, and am in the process of getting him set to make the switch. Initially, my son was skeptical about leaving the only school he's ever attended. Over the weekend, though, he warmed up to it. On Sunday, he came to me and said he was actually looking forward to changing schools. He's looking at it as an opportunity rather than something to fear, and for that I am very happy. I see a sparkle in his eyes that I've never seen befor...

Ninety days ago, my husband and I started our own Biggest Loser competition. He elected to walk on a treadmill while I went with the P90X home workout. At first, I was losing more weight than he was even though he easily had more to lose than I do. Being a man, I thought he was going to beat me without even trying, but initially I was the one racking up the lost pounds each week. For the last two weeks, though, I've hit a wall and not lost anything. He's losing two plus pounds to my nothing, so he's now in the lead. I'm not terribly uphappy about this, though, as I have lost about ten pounds and all of my clothes fit so much better now. Even though we are finished with our ninety days, I'm going to continue working out. I do like the results I'm seeing, especially with my abs. I've never really had abs to speak of, but after doing the Ab Ripper X workout for three months, I'm beginning to see some definition. My husband even noticed the other day how def...

I've started on the documentary about the school track team, and I'm finding I have tons to learn about putting a documentary together. I bought a new editing program to work with, thinking if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it right. Little did I realize at the time of purchasing it that I was going to have a huge learning curve with this program. I should have figured, though, since it has all the bells and whistles, both of which I really wanted in order to do more than just the basics with the documentary. The first couple of days working with the program, I was splitting and moving parts of the video. I kept trying to add in a transition between two parts, but everytime I viewed what I had put together, I was unhappy because the part of the video that was underneath the title frame would show for a split second when the transition started. I had no clue how to keep the video hidden completely. I eventually deleted everything I had worked on and started over. Fi...

My middle child's birthday cake from last week. I had a lot of fun making it and even more fun eating it. We found out that if you cut pieces only from one side, starting with the bottom layer, the cake will lean, eventually fall over. You can't tell it from this angle so much, but the cake was actually leaning before we began cutting it. When middle child got home from school and saw the finished cake, he laughed, saying, "Awesome cake, Mom." Doesn't get much better than that.

For some time now, I've been feeling burned out when it comes to reading student papers. This semester especially has been a difficult one. I truly love being with my students and talking to them on a daily basis, but the reading part gets to me. I have had a rough time making myself sit down and actually put the time in. The papers, though they are on topics I like, still have the same problems that the papers have had over the years. When it comes to the kinds of errors and the very basic discussions the students create, not much has changed in the seventeen years I've been teaching writing. Very few students have the ability to write something that totally blows me away, but every now and then, I find myself delighted because a student has written something outside the usual. This just happens to be a semester during which no one has written that kind of paper. Hence the relunctance in reading and evaluating them. I keep telling myself I need to do something that will allow ...

My middle child turns twelve today. It's his golden birthday. The other two have already celebrated their birthdays this year, so he's the last. Part of me says thank goodness; all the money going out on gifts and dinners makes my stomach hurt. Another part of me, though, realizes another year has gone by and the kids are inching ever closer to being adults ready to get out on their own. I'm going to miss them so much when they're gone. The sadness that comes over me when I think about them leaving pulls me down, sometimes to the point of tears. If I feel like this now, what will it be like when they actually do leave? I do love birthdays, though. They're very special days and should be celebrated with joy. To do this, the birthday person must awaken to the birthday song being sung loud and out of tune. Then, once the person is good and awake, a morning present must be given to offer a hint of what's to come later in the day. This morning, my son received a pres...

My middle child, a sixth grader, frustrates me to no end when it comes to homework. He just doesn't want to do it. He's a bright boy, with a quick mind, but if he can get away with not sitting down and doing any homework, he will. When I press the issue, he'll sit, but it's one sigh after another, a lot of head hanging, and at times tears. What should take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour to complete turnes into two, sometimes three hours. If I don't sit with him, constantly asking questions, suggesting ways to write sentences, and pointing to helpful websites, he wouldn't get anything done. Each night, this is what I go through. While I want him to learn and be a successful student, I'm tired of the constant struggle I have to endure to make sure these things are actually happening. I have to wonder just how much he is learning since he has such a bad attitude before, during and after doing the homework. Another part of me is frustrated with the school, ...

One way I cope with having to read a lot of student papers on a weekly basis is taking breaks to capture things on video. For some time now, though, I've let the camera sit idle in its case. I saved for two years to buy my camera, which is a wonderful piece of technology, and the other day I made a pledge to actually put it to good use. So I started on a project today. For a couple of years, my husband and I have been helping out with the school track team. The kids range from fourth grade to eighth grade, with both boys and girls participating. I started videoing them the several years ago, when my daughter was running and jumping with the team, but I never put the clips together to make a complete story. Each year since, I've mulled over the idea to pick up where I left off, so I decided to do just that this year. I talked to the principal, put together a release form, and I'm on my way. A handful of parents already signed the form. I can now start to film. I do think I n...

until spring break. I know this sounds awful, but I really look forward to all the breaks that come with being a writing instructor. Christmas break. Spring break. And the best of all--summer break. If these weren't a part of the teaching calendar, I don't know how long I could last as a writing teacher. Don't get me wrong. I do like what I do. A lot. But after eight weeks of reading the same old essays about the same old topics, my eyes begin to glaze over. The break from reading and responding to these tired ideas refreshes me just enough to get excited for the last eight weeks that aren't much different than the first eight. One way I try to combat having to read the same cliched rants is to have a theme run through my course. One semester the students had to write about food. The papers for that semester covered topics like the slow food movement, which baseball park offered the best hotdogs, and why dining alone can be a good thing. I enjoyed so many of these paper...

Yoga didn't go so well this evening. I was looking forward to it, but right when I was getting ready to begin, a friend stopped over and talked for awhile. By the time I got back up to my room to do the yoga, I just wasn't as into it. I started into the moves, which begin with lots of moving asanas, including vinyasas into runner's pose, to cresent pose, to warrior pose, to warrior two, etc. Last week I did the whole series, about forty-five minutes worth, with no problem. This evening, my thighs were burning from the beginning. I'd really like to know why one week I can do the poses with no problem, then the next week I am having trouble from the beginning. I was discouraged and ended up skipping a lot of the asanas. I did do the balance postures and the floor work, so I did do quite a bit of yoga. I just wish I had been in the mindset to get through the asanas like I did last week. Hopefully next week will go better. I have been wondering if I'm just not eating en...

Two days remain until a new month begins. My month. March. I'm a Pisces, and on Thursday of next week, I will officially turn 45 years old. Yesterday, in anticipation of my birthday, my son, using his IPod Touch, calculated when I might die. According to the little contraption in the palm of his hand, I have lived 55% of my life, and I can look forward to dying when I am 82 years old. I'll take that. Eighty-two seems like a nice, long life. So, I guess that means I better get busy living. I'm on the downhill slide, and the ride is only going to get going faster the farther away from the top of the hill I get. With the approach of March comes spring break. Because my kids' spring break is after my own, I'll have the week at home alone during the day. I always look forward to this week as it offers me a chance to do things during the day that I normally don't get the chance to do. Like going to the bookstore and taking as long as I want without someone pulling on ...