With my husband's impending layoff just around the corner, actually what we will wake up to on New Year's day, I've been feeling less than filled with holiday spirit. In fact, I've been on the edge of anger for a couple of weeks now. I know the layoff isn't because of anything he did/did not do while he was working this contract. In fact, we've known all along the contract would only last five years, and those five years have come and gone. The anger comes from my urging my husband to save as much as possible during the five years only to have him tell me saving isn't important. Now. . .now he's fretting about money. A lot of good the fretting will do at this point. On top of his refusal to save, he went out and bought a new truck last year. A brand new truck. Not a used one like I encouraged him to buy. A big, spankin' new truck. His reasoning? Because he wanted a new truck.
So now I have to take an overload at work to earn a little more money each month. Now I have to take out family insurance coverage that will take up most of the overload money. Now I have to work through the summer months to be sure we stay afloat. These things make me angry--mostly at myself. I left a marriage ten years ago because my ex didn't like to work. The kids and I were constantly scrounging through coat pockets and anywhere else we could think of to find enough change to buy a half gallon of milk. I finally said enough, I'm not going to live like this simply because the other adult in the household doesn't feel inclined to work. While I realize my husband has been working and is being laid off for reasons beyond his control, I still feel he's to blame for not having that extra money he was making in the bank. He made a lot of money over the last five years, and he insisted on spending it. No matter what I said, he did what he wanted to do. I feel like I've let myself fall into the same old routine of allowing the other adult in the household to behave badly. The one time I did put my foot down about a money issue, my husband was stunned. One time. One stinkin' time.
I've told my husband that come January, if he hasn't landed another position, I will take control of the money. He thinks I'm kidding when I say the first thing to go will be that truck. The second thing to go will be the huge cable package he insists we have to have. Just yesterday, he mentioned going out and buying a used car. Is he insane?
To help with the anger, I've been concentrating on the triathlon training. Things are going well. Now I'm going to do some cookie baking, and eating I'm sure, both of which help ease the anger. One other method I use to ease the anger is to look back over my Grand Canyon pictures. Seeing these put me back there, helping me remember the peacefulness the canyon exudes.
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