Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

I peeked through the blinds around 11 o'clock to see what was happening outside our cozy little home. I could see the sun trying to break through the blue-gray clouds, the kind that usher in snow, and I could see our neighbor's birdhouse swinging from the force of the wind. Hubby asked what I was doing. Checking the wind, I told him. Because he had his new tablet sitting on his lap, he quickly tapped the weather icon. 22 mph out of the south, he said. Since 17 mph couldn't stop me from getting out for a ride two days ago, I wasn't about to let 22 mph stop me from getting a ride in today. Wind from the side is much more tolerable than a headwind, so I started out heading southwest. Buildings are great windbreaks, but when there's a gap, watch out. That wind will just about knock you down. Riding on windy days doesn't appeal to a lot of people, but I like the challenge of staying steady, of keeping my speed above 14 mph, of not getting pushed off the side of the...

Yesterday, my family gathered to celebrate Mom's life at the church she and Dad called home for the last few years. White and yellow flower arrangements, red poinsettias, and white poinsettias adorned the area around the altar, giving off a cozy, warm feel. This warmth flowed through every hug, every squeeze of the hand, every wistful smile when Mom's name was spoken. Though the last two months have been incredibly difficult, yesterday the love and compassion shared by everyone helped ease the pain. The most poignant moment for me (and I don't know at what part of the ceremony this happened as I was overcome with the sadness of saying goodbye to Mom while at the same time feeling such joy at my son's response, so now all I have is an awareness of this one, tiny moment in time) came when I was wiping tears from my cheeks. My youngest put his arms around me and whispered, "I've got you." I'll forever hold this memory close to my heart.

My BTUSFMS change jar was nearly full, so I took it to the bank to see how much had been collected and to get a cashier's check to send off for the ride. Between the change and the bills, some of which had been handed to me by friends over the last month, the total came to $179.40! What a great check to put in the mail. The total amount raised for the ride thus far is now . . . drum roll please . . . $1004.40. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive. I will forever be grateful.

For quite a few years, I lived close to Mom and Dad in Tennessee. They moved down in the mid 80's, having found a cabin that they fell in love with, on a hillside overlooking the Cumberland River. A year or two after they left the Midwest, I followed. It became a Christmas ritual for Mom and me to get together to bake butter cookies and decorate them. Even after I moved back to the Midwest, the kids and I continued the tradition of baking butter cookies and frosting them with all kinds of designs. This year, though, the baking got pushed to the side and I wasn't sure any cookies were going to be made. Yesterday, I found the energy to get started on them. I mixed up the dough, covered it, and let it sit until this afternoon. Once all the hoopla of the day was over, I spent some time rolling the dough, cutting the shapes, baking, then decorating. Nothing fancy by any means, but just going through the motions brought back lots of wonderful memories of being in the kitchen with M...

Because Beautiful, Lovely Daughter is in China, she wasn't able to tell her Mimi goodbye. The two were particularly close, and not being able to be here for her Mimi, not being able to tell her she loves her, and not being able to attend her service are causing Beautiful, Lovely Daughter to feel overwhelming sadness. I know she needs a hug. I know she needs a shoulder to cry on. But I'm here and she's there. The best I can do right now is chat with her when it's 6 pm here and 8 am the next day where she is. Back Yard Show When my daughter was three or so, I, being the slacker mom that I am most of the time, allowed her to watch Jurassic Park . She loved that movie. She knew all the lines and anytime we had jello for dinner, she would put a glob of it on her spoon then hold it up, get that fear-stricken look on her face, and shake her hand just enough to make the jello wiggle. Her Mimi used to get great pleasure out of her granddaughter's acting. To further hon...

How do you write about someone slipping into death? Losing her battle against a foe she could never see but knew was there nonetheless? How do you write about all the fears she voiced? Her worst that of being alone when the time finally arrived? How do you write about the pain she experienced? So intense she curled into a ball and bit her fingers? How do you write about her sadness at not being able to smile any longer? So deep her eyes shone with what little tears remained? How do you write about her strength slowly draining away? Mustering all her energy to nod when asked if she knew she is loved? How do you write about mere seconds of recognition registering in her brown eyes? Fleeting but hopefully giving her solace knowing family was there? How do you write about a family gathered to say goodbye to a loved one slipping into death? Elizabeth Ellen Heath Pauken, December 28, 1934 -- December 21, 2011, you are much loved and will be greatly missed.

With the semester over and me back home today, I had time to get to the gym and put in an hour on the spinner. Since I haven't been cycling long distances for several months now, I wasn't too sure how the legs were going to feel. I found out they were just fine and could have gone longer. There were even moments I was so caught up in what I was thinking about that when I looked at how much time had passed I was surprised. Usually spinning bores me, but not today. Today spinning helped me work out some built up tension. My mind is consumed with Mom's condition and the knowledge that any time I will receive a call saying she has slipped away. When I left yesterday, she was somewhere none of the rest of us could go. This morning, a text from my sister said she is still unresponsive, not eating, not drinking. Right behind all these thoughts are worries about my dad who has been the most wonderful husband and caretaker a wife could ask for. The last words Mom spoke were Friday...

Today was probably one of the most difficult days I've ever had during my entire life. Watching a loved one decline and watching the love of her life struggle tears at the heart. I think I felt my heart break a little this afternoon from the pain I felt for my two very dear loved ones. All we can do now is hold Mom's hand, talk to her in hopes she is hearing us, and be there for her. She appears comfortable. I hope wherever she is within herself she's laughing, playing the piano, dancing, riding horses, and all the other things she loved to do before life with MS.

The last few days I've been at my parents, well, most of the time at the new nursing home Mom is now in. They have classified her as "end of life" care and are doing all they can to make her comfortable. She experiences small moments of knowing all of us, but for the most part she recedes to a place only she inhabits. We can tell when she's in pain, and we work to make the pain less so, but knowing to what level the pain is is almost impossible. Watching a loved one decline is incredibly difficult, but from another's suffering comes gifts for those of us saying goodbye. The largest gift of all has been family getting to know one another again. Over the last thirty years, we've all led very busy lives, sometimes so busy we forgot about family. Occasionally we planned a family get-together, but those were few and far between. Since Mom's decline began, we've seen each other often, gathering at my sister's place, at the nursing home, and at restaura...

Recently I joined a social networking site that's all about giving . I stumbled onto this site while researching MS, and for a good part of an evening I perused the postings, reading about all the different ways people from all different walks of life are giving. My heart swelled with each account of gift giving I read. Feeling like I'd found a home, I joined. Much like feeling grounded and focused after applying for and being accepted as a cyclist for the Bike the US for MS TRANSAM route summer 2012, being a part of the giving challenge community has given me a way to mindfully walk through my days. I look forward to meeting the challenge every day, and instead of stopping with one gift, I'm constantly thinking about how to make each and every moment of my day a giving moment. While this may not be doable, the thinking about it keeps me in a positive mindset, and the what if's make me search for ways to make the ideas come to fruition. Today's gift came about a...

Today I checked in with my BTUSFMS profile page to see if there'd been any action. Pleasantly surprised, I saw my total raised to date at $500. Scrolling down the list, I read the names of two friends who had made donations, and one anonymous donor adding to the total. I am so thankful to all who are talking about my upcoming ride, spreading the word about my ride to raise awareness, and also to those who have donated, helping me inch closer and closer to my goal. With the cash donations I have to submit, I'm at $620+, which is around the Hindman, KY point on the map. I'm into my second week of my commitment to BTUSFMS, and I can't help but feel so blessed. I know without a doubt I made the right decision in applying for the ride and taking on the challenge of raising the money which will go to MS research. The support from family and friends has been absolutely awesome; talking with them about the ride gives me so much pleasure, and I feel a certain peace when it co...

I arrived home after a very long day yesterday to a package from Bike the US for MS. Though I was extremely tired, tired to the point of only thinking about putting on my jammies and vegging out on the couch all evening, excitement flowed at the thought of the goodies inside the box. Funny, Delightful Son was standing by the counter, almost as eager as I was to rip into the package. I told him to go ahead, and with a smile on his face, he picked it up and tore the tape off. He opened one flap then the other, reached in and pulled out a BTUSFMS water bottle. Next came a BTUSFMS navy blue t-shirt. Last were stickers, calling cards, and postcards. As I stood there, oogling my BTUSFMS goodies, Hubby looked at me and said, "Well, I guess it's official. You're really doing this." Yes, I'm really going to ride my sweet, sweet Madone 3.1 from Yorktown, VA to San Fran, CA. I'm really going to try my darndest to raise $3785 (ideally more than that) between now and Jun...

Yesterday I received my initiation into nursing home care, and I have no other way to put it than it sucks. On the surface, the place where my mom is now a resident looks really nice. It's fairly new, with a beauty salon, a fitness center, a rec area, and other amenities. Stay just a few hours and you find out the facility is extremely understaffed, doesn't have enough supplies, and both of these create a situation where patients wait a very long time for care. I arrived to find Mom in extreme pain. The spasms associated with MS have increased in frequency as well as intensity. I watched as my mom writhed in pain, sometimes breaking down and crying. The helplessness I felt was awful, and the look of grief on my dad's face was even worse. He and I finally said enough and collared the nurse, asking that she please give our loved one something for the pain. She came back quickly with a pain med. Mom was able to swallow it but because of her condition, she vomited a tiny amou...

I will begin the cycling trip I've been wanting to do for some time now: Bike the US for MS . I'll be doing the TRANSAM route, which begins in Yorktown, Virginia and ends in San Fransisco, California. That's 3785 miles. Already I feel butterflies in the belly each time I think about setting off on this trip. This is the ride I wanted to do last summer. Somehow, during one of my searches for a century ride to sign up for, I stumbled across the BTUSFMS site. I became enamored and was determined to apply. Before I went off half-cocked, though, I thought it only respectful to take the idea to the family and ask if they'd be okay if I was gone for the whole summer. Their responses ranged from Hubby saying, "What?!? Are you smokin' ganja weed?!?" to the boys exclaiming, "But who will feed us if you're not here?" I thought after letting the idea settle in for a week or two they would come around, but I was totally wrong. When I brought it up again...

So I got three good days of walking in then the work week hit and . . . nothing. Up at 5, to work by 7, done with work at 3:30, home by 3:45, errands if there are any, dinner, chat with Beautiful Daughter from 6-7, then more student work to finish, finally bed around 10. The thought there's always tomorrow offers some comfort, but so far tomorrow has come without a workout happening. Frustration is mounting. Times like this I like watching motivational videos. This one is awesome and as soon as I'm finished chatting with Beautiful Daughter, I'm out the door and to the rec center. ***Update***: Mission accomplished. 15 minutes on the treadmill, 18 minutes on the spinner, and 15 minutes of upper body weights. Yeah, Baby!

Today's walk was a mile shorter than my walk yesterday, and it was quite a bit more brisk out, but I'm finding just how much I need physical activity of some sort to help me stay balanced. After only three days of taking an hour out of my day to get in a walk, I can honestly say I'm sleeping better, I'm more focused, and most definitely I'm easier to get along with. I know Hubby appreciates this last aspect. Today's route was a first for me, mostly sidewalk with a mile jaunt around a city pond. My calf muscles, my feet, and my inner thighs suggested taking a break not long into the walk, but I told them all to hush and just deal. After about a mile, they all quieted down. At the two mile mark, I pulled the Garmin out to check my pace and heart rate. For not doing much of anything for quite a few weeks, I was pleased to see a 4.5 mph pace. Maybe in a week I can get the speed up another notch. My heart rate hovered just above 140, and at seeing this, that famili...

Since mid September, I haven't done much in regards to working out. Several things were pulling at me--work, my daughter being gone, Hubby still not finding employment--and I let the one thing that really does wonders for my state of mind be the one thing to got pushed to the side. Now, when I look back over the last two and a half months, I realize my semi unhappiness with my life can be chalked up to me stepping away from something as simple as walking for an hour a day. In a way, I'm kind of like the people who get depressed during the wintertime and use a day light to ease their distress. I need exercise to ease mine. So yesterday I got back out there and walked for a little over an hour. The route I took is a path that offers lots of nature--squirrels, lots of different birds, a pretty little black and white cat sunning itself, and a pond with lots of geese coming and going. The path is also away from traffic and doesn't get a lot of use, with me being the only one w...

My always funny, always delightful boys, Hubby, and I traveled to Indiana to spend the day with my dad, my sister and her husband, and after dinner, a short visit with mom. Because she's been having some rough days, we decided to break up the visits, with only a couple of us going at a time rather than all of us and tiring her out too much. While Mom was noticeably uncomfortable due to increased pain, she put on a smile and seemed to enjoy seeing her grandsons. They did their darndest to make her happy and accomplished doing so by telling Chuck Norris jokes. Those can definitely make a person laugh. I have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, number one on the list being having the opportunity to be with my mom. Seeing her in pain, seeing her frustration, seeing her apart from her family gathered around a table filled with a bountiful feast make me sad, but seeing her smile at the boys and the boys give her hugs and hold her hand is priceless. I hope for just a second she w...

Hubby snores. Loudly. To the point that I sometimes sleep on the couch. Tonight, I thought I'd go ahead and sleep in Lovely Daughter's bed as she's in China and her room seemed lonely. In the dark, I pulled back the covers and slid under the comforter. Really looking forward to a night of quiet in a comfy bed, I was shocked when my feet touched what felt like a huge wet spot on the mattress. The first thought I had was the family dog had somehow gotten into her room and had had an accident on Lovely Daughter's bed, but I knew that was unlikely as he'd been downstairs with us all evening then went to his own bed when the boys said goodnight to me. I got up, turned on the light, and with dismay discovered a very large wet area on the ceiling. I stood on the mattress and poked at the spot: saturated and about ready to drop. Perfect. While nothing can be done tonight, I know tomorrow holds a day of cleaning bedding, drying out a mattress, and fixing a ceiling, which m...

Yesterday Hubby and I drove over to see Mom. I'd heard from my sister that she was doing well after having a rough day on Wednesday. I really didn't know what to expect when I walked in, so it was a very pleasant surprise to see Mom sitting up, her hair washed and styled, a smile on her face, and her very much aware of who I was. She looked and acted like the Mom I knew before almost losing her. We stayed all afternoon, leaving for about an hour to have some lunch, and to let Mom visit with some friends who'd driven a long ways to see her. When we returned to her room, we talked and laughed, reminiscing about my childhood days, my high school days, and my life now. The friends from Michigan, who'd babysat me when I was a baby, filled us in on their kids' lives and their own. Somehow, talk turned to playing euchre, and Mom was determined she was going to play. Hubby scrounged up two decks of cards from the nurses' station, this after he sweet talked one of the ...

My days this week have been foggy; I know I worked, and I know I spent time with my boys just like I always do, but distraction was ever present. A colleague came to my door Tuesday as I gazed at my binders, trying to figure out which one I needed for class. He said hello, and his greeting registered, but several seconds passed before realization of my rudeness kicked in and I looked up to say hello. I apologized for being impolite, to which he laughed and said no problem. That's how the entire week has been: going through the motions while being somewhere else. I visited Mom yesterday. Last Saturday when I left the hospital, she was responsive, able to identify each of her six children, able to answer questions. Yesterday, she was a little slower in answering the questions, taking quite a long time to process the information before responding. In addition to her processing of information having been affected, so has her short term memory. It is gone. I was sitting next to her fo...

Fourteen years ago, my mom was diagnosed with MS. Since that time, not a moment of her life has passed without her condition being that pesky fly buzzing around her head and not going away no matter how many times she swats at it. As the years have gone by, I've watched her struggle to remain the vibrant and mobile mom, grandma, wife she was used to being for all of us. For the last eight years, the MS seemed to have leveled off, seeming satisfied that my mom was confined to a wheelchair but able to still do some things that gave her great pleasure, like visiting friends once a week for breakfast. About three weeks ago, though, the MS raised its ugly head and showed us all it's still very much in control, and then last week, the call came that Mom was in the hospital, the outlook grim. When I arrived to Mom's hospital bed, I realized I wasn't as prepared for the more difficult days to come as I had thought I was. Since her diagnosis, I've read as much about MS as ...

My whole cooking at home and keeping track of just how much I'm spending per serving is becoming an obsession. Now, not only am I obsessed with calories in and calories out, but I'm obsessed with money in and money out. I truly had no clear idea just how much eating out was costing us until I began keeping track of what I'm buying and how much that breaks down when examined through the perspective of per serving. Let's take last night's dinner of homemade tomato soup with grilled cheese and this morning's breakfast of french toast topped with bananas foster. The bread used for the sandwiches and the french toast cost $2.99. Five sandwiches were made for dinner and three servings of french toast were made for breakfast, giving me a 37 cents per serving cost. The tomatoes, leek, and onion for the soup cost $11.75, and from that I got four servings, giving me a $2.93 cost. While that's significantly higher than just buying a can of tomato soup, I have the com...

Ever since the real fall weather moved in a couple of weeks ago, I've had a tough time feeling truly energetic. I'm convinced my body knows the days are cooler, and the sun rises later and sets earlier, and my body's response is sleep. Please.During the dark hours, all I want to do is sleep, which means from about 6 o'clock pm to 7 o'clock am, the only appealing thought I have is climbing into bed and snoozing. I've given into the urge a couple of times, but the last few nights I've stayed up later (past 9 pm--I know, I know, that's not late at all) and woke up a lot during the night. Good, quality sleep just isn't happening. This makes me sleepy during the day. Quite the vicious cycle going on right now. Today  the temps were back up in the high 70s. Tomorrow we're looking at the mid 50s. I much prefer the lower temps. Not only do I not sweat buckets when commuting to work, but I get to fix all kinds of wonderful stews, soups, and other hearty...

On Thursday, I asked Hubby to go to our organic grocery store and buy a free-range chicken. He wasn't too happy about doing this, but he did, and when I got home from work, he held the packaged chicken up, pointing at the price, saying, "Seventeen dollars." I knew the chicken was going to be more expensive than the chicken sold at the grocery store we usually frequent, but I also knew the taste would more than make up for the overall cost. I also had a plan for getting more than one meal out of this expensive purchase. So late yesterday afternoon, I set to work. With the help of my now-favorite cookbook, An Everlasting Meal , I placed some carrots, celery, onions, and herbs in a pot. I put the chicken on top of these ingredients then covered it all with water. For about an hour, the chicken and veggies simmered, filling the house with an aroma that rousted the boys from their bedroom and brought them downstairs, exclaiming, "What is that wonderful smell?" Wh...

When my alarm went off this morning at 5 am, I snuggled into my pillow, reluctant to get up. I could hear the wind blowing the rain against the bedroom window. The forecast had called for a blustery, cold, and wet day, and that's exactly what Mother Nature was serving up, making it not the kind of day for riding a bike to work. Today would be the first day in two weeks for driving. I was a bit bummed over not being able to ride, and when I saw some die-hards with their heads down, pedaling with everything they had into the 25 mph westerly winds, I saluted. After the first of the day's meetings, a colleague asked how far my commute is, and when I answered 3 miles from my house to the office, he seemed genuinely impressed. I had to laugh, though, as the 3 miles seems really, really short. I guess from the perspective of someone who doesn't cycle, 3 miles does seem a good distance. My son wasn't nearly as bummed as I about not being able to ride this morning. We've...

Around this time two years ago, I was bouncing down the stairs to join my family in the kitchen for breakfast, before taking off for work, when my daughter asked me if I remembered a young man I had met once before, at the Day of Writing event held on campus. I said of course I remember him; he was one of four high school students I worked with, and of the four, he was the one I knew was going to go somewhere someday, be something someday. I had gone home that afternoon following the Day of Writing and told my daughter about this young man. She knew him from school, and yes, he was intense. I told her I thought this young man was brilliant. She'd laughed at this when I said it, but this particular morning, when she asked me if I remembered him, she wasn't laughing. She wasn't smiling. He killed himself, she told me. I cried for most of the drive to work, wondering why. Why did this young man end his life? Why did he feel like it was the only way out? Why didn't he rea...

Since last Thursday, I've cycled every day: commuting to work, going to the grocery store, to the nursery to get pumpkins, to the coffeehouse to write, even to my hair appointment. I'm beginning to figure out this bicycle transportation only thing. Monday, on my way home from work, I was cycling along the trail and was stunned with the number of squirrels out. The mother earth part of my psyche thinks the cold is on the way judging from all the activity. I got to laughing after almost running over a squirrel carrying a black walnut in its mouth, that all the sudden decided it didn't want to run alongside me and tried to cross in front. The little varmint came within a whisker of getting squished. It realized it's predicament, dropped its nut, and turned away to scurry off into the grass. When I rode around a curve just a few feet beyond, I met a man walking a dog. The dog was carrying a frisbee in its mouth and seemed very content with how silly it looked. Today, th...

My desire to cycle as much as possible is taking shape. For about two weeks there, the cycling wasn't happening just because of life and the little things that can get in the way. I finally decided that if I'm going to do this, I just need to make it a part of my life and change other areas to suit the cycling. One of those areas is what I wear when I'm cycling. I want to be able to dress nicely for work, but my hybrid isn't really conducive to dress pants, skirts, and dresses. Getting on and off the bike in a skirt might create a rather humorous situation, and because the chain guard is mostly non-existent, my dress pants end up with grease on the pant leg. The answer to my dilemma was hanging in the garage this whole time: my deep blue Town and Country Cruiser, a birthday gift from Hubby several years ago. (Picture at right is the bike I have with a very similar basket, but the picture is of someone else's bike.) When the light bulb finally went on, I ran ou...

Make oatmeal for the boys' breakfast--check (I love making sure they have something in their tummies to start the day, and my oldest told me this morning he loves that I fix breakfast for them. Awwwww.). Grocery shopping--check (and we kept the total below budget. Love it when that happens.). Buy pumpkins and mums for front porch--check (realized our flag pole and flag were missing; darn college students anyway. Not only do we have to deal with them walking by at all hours of the night, laughing, yelling and even ringing our door bell on occasion, and pulling slats off our fence then throwing them in the street, but now they've taken our flag). Two loads of laundry and hang out--check (beautiful sun and wind combo made the drying process go by fast today). Wash the duvet and down comforter and hang out--check (time to pull out the winter ensemble with these cool nights we've been having). Put clothes away--check (one of my least favorite jobs; just so tedious). ...

As a cyclist who is commuting more and intentionally trying to make my bike my main mode of transportation, I'm really interested in clothing that can go from the bike to the office and clothing that helps me be seen by motorists. Some of the garments offered by Vespertine definitely make me smile as they are not only fun and stylish, but are also made to increase the safety factor when cycling. However, when I went to their shop, I became dismayed over the prices. I can't even afford the short scarf. While I applaud Vespertine for creating stylish cycling safety wear, I do have to wonder, who can afford these?

After watching someone near and dear to me struggle to find a job for almost two years, I'm ready to join the protesting.

For several weeks I've been keeping a low profile just to gather myself and become more centered. With all the fun and excitement of summer abruptly coming to an end, replaced by a more rigid schedule, the funk overtook me. Instead of fighting it, I let it settle around me, even wrapped myself in it like it was a warm, winter blanket. I made one short-term change--not cycling at all for three weeks--and one permanent change--deleting my dailymile.com account, to give myself space to breathe. The time away from cycling allowed me to not pour all my focus into mileage, speed, and how many calories I burned. I did commute to work, but those rides were slow, giving me a chance to look around and enjoy the scenery. The deletion of my dailymile account came about after admitting I was stacking myself up against my "friends" posting their workouts rather than using the site to just track my rides. The pressure I was putting on myself was ridiculous. I want to cycle just to cycle...

Leaving the Garmin and the headphones at home gave me the opportunity to walk without constantly thinking about my pace, the mileage, what song was playing. Instead, I was treated to the sounds of the neighborhood and beyond as I walked. Two blocks away, someone in a garage brought out the rata-tat-rata-rata-tat-tat of the drums. Not far beyond the drummer, two groups of young men were circled up on the field of the elementary school to play ultimate frisbee. A deep voice yelled out, "Zig zaggy zig zaggy." And the group answered, "Oy, oy, oy." This they repeated three times then ended it with a raucous, "Whewwwwwww!" One member of the other group took exception to the enthusiasm and sneered, "Team cheers are so ten years ago. Get with it." As I continued on, I heard the city bus coming up behind me. I've learned their unique sound signature from the days commuting to school and the bus following me down the street every now and then. A lo...

During my last long walk, the Garmin showed that I'd expended over 1500 calories during a 5.5 mile walk. I knew this was bogus but being the numbers junkie I am, I played along and did the boogie woogie over the large number of calories supposedly burned. My most recent walk, 6.7 miles, a whole 1.2 miles farther than the previous walk, showed only 800+ calories burned. Half of the previous walk. Ahh, well, better than no calories at all. Today is a rainy day, so most likely no long walk. This might actually be a good time to get the treadmill and trainer set up again, for days like today, when being outside isn't conducive to a happy, productive walk. Hubby bought another membership at the rec center for the semester, but I'm determined not to do this. While I thoroughly enjoyed going during the spring semester, I've decided to go another route: using the equipment I already have right here at home and the natural jungle gym beyond my front door. I have a weight ben...

Without a doubt, I am a calories in/calories out junkie. The high I get seeing the amount of calories I've burned during a ride or during a walk/jog makes me giddy. And this evening, when I pulled out the Garmin to check my mileage, I saw I'd already reached 900+ calories after only 2.28 miles (I think my Garmin was playing with me; I really don't think it was accurate). However, just for kicks, I'm going to go with it and say BAMM! lovin' the numbers. By the time I was finished with the 5.5 miles, the calories out showed 1674 (again, I think my HR monitor and Garmin were in cahoots over this one). Thinking over what I ate for the day, my calories in isn't much more than my calories out. As an athlete, I know this isn't a good way to go, but as a woman who has a fear of underarm flab, back fat, and a spare tire, the calories out equaling or surpassing the calories in brings me peace. You'd think that with everything I've read about nutrition over t...

The cycling season is slowly heading towards the day when the bike will be hung up for the winter months. Tree leaves are beginning to show signs of going from green to red or yellow. The corn stands brown and dried, some fields already harvested. Woolly caterpillars inch their way across the roads. The geese gather in strange places: a school yard, a bare soy bean field. And the wind seems to never cease. The calendar shows fall nearing, ready to go shoulder to shoulder against summer and push it out of the way. Summer tries to carry on, with warm days, zinnias still in bloom. Fall has the upper hand, though, bringing earlier sunsets, cooler nights, later sunrises, and morning ground mists. Cycling through these days I feel summer slipping away.

I'm back at it. Yeah, I know. I'm fickle. The thinking about running again started last Saturday, as Hubby and I were out cycling. I was mulling over how I fulfilled all my goals for the summer--giving the sprint tri another go (I actually did three, my best of the three showing I shaved off 20 minutes from last year's attempt) along with completing at least 3 century rides--and I was wondering what my next step was going to be. The first thing that came to mind was running. I'm seriously insane to even entertain the idea, but yesterday I went out and walked/jogged 4.65 miles. Today I went out for a 5.53 mile walk/jog. Now, my legs are mad at me, actually screaming at me when I go up and down the stairs, but I like the soreness. Makes me think about the day after my last century ride when my legs were sore and I thought of the soreness as a badge of honor for the effort I had put in during the ride. I feel that same way today after walking/jogging. I like that. Part...

I've got the blah's. For about two weeks now, I've not had any desire to get out and ride, at least not beyond the commuting. The commuting has been good--cooler mornings so I don't arrive to work in need of another shower, light traffic since I leave early. So the cycling to work is going just peachy. Getting out for longer rides, though, has been non-existent. I've kind of decided to just let my blah's work themselves out. I hope they do soon. Part of the lack of cycling desire stems from returning to work. At least that's what I'm going with. Going from having all the time in the world to get out and just go without other commitments to worry about to having to be somewhere to do something every single day is a shock to the emotional system. Going from being able to think about nothing, what I truly believe were moments of reaching the end of my brain as I'm rolling along (my hubby finds this incredibly funny, but I swear there were instances of...

A flag for each who died on 9/11.

Today I had the pleasure of meeting Larry Gatlin. I grew up listening to the Gatlin Brothers, and when I found out Mr. Gatlin  was coming to our campus to conduct a creative writing workshop, I knew I had to go. Not only is Mr. Gatlin a hugely talented performer, but he is also funny, well-read, smart, and just plain down to earth. Me n' Larry Several of my students attended the workshop (yes, I bribed them to go; but on the way out, two of them said those who didn't take me up on my offer truly missed out on a good time) and left with huge smiles. One had the opportunity to read her poem aloud for Mr. Gatlin to listen to and respond, and he gave her praise and encouragement after she finished. When Mr. Gatlin told the group how important it is for a writer to read, read, and read some more, my students looked at me and grinned, as I have been saying the same thing since the semester began. After the workshop, Mr. Gatlin spent about 45 minutes in the Cafe, singing, jo...

Rode the Bike Psychos Century today with the hopes of finishing sub 6 hours. I rolled into the parking lot after 5:55, average speed 17 mph. Given the beastly hills and the 10-15 mph winds, I was utterly and completely happy with my efforts. I now have a new marker to keep in mind when I ride my next century. This ride came after a night of very restless sleep. I figured I was going to bonk at some point simply because I was running on so little quality sleep. To help prevent the bonk, I ate and drank often. This time around, I didn't pack the energy gels or bars. Instead, I ate the fruit, the pbj sandwiches, and the other goodies offered at the rest stops. I took the advice of Edmund Burke and Ed Pavelka, authors of The Complete Book of Long Distance Cycling , and ate real food. I also made sure to drink, drink, drink. Not once did I feel low on energy, and I attribute my feeling good the whole 100 miles to taking these two guys' advice. The route took us along the Illinoi...

Went out for a shorter ride today to shake out the legs and to just enjoy the time available. Some fatigue from yesterday's hilly ride, but in general, I felt pretty good. Just ambling along made the ride all the more enjoyable, though all the rides I take are truly enjoyable. Even the hilly ones. Sometimes when I'm out, I find treasures. Not too long ago, I found a droid cell phone on the shoulder of the road. I slipped it into my jersey pocket, and when I got home I pulled it out to show Hubby. He took it, pushed the on button, and within minutes he had the owner's husband on the line. Seems the phone's owner had laid the phone on the bumper of the truck she was using to haul wood and forgotten to remove it before driving the truck. About an hour after talking to the husband, the wife showed up at our door, ready to pay us for finding her phone and calling to return it. We declined the money, saying we were just happy to help. Today, I was rolling along, not reall...

It's Friday, Friday! Which meant I was able to get a longer ride in. Starting Wednesday, I thought often about rolling out right after my youngest set off for school, and that's exactly what I did. I didn't have a route planned out like I usually do. I just went, and when I reached the point of having to make a decision on which direction to go, I followed whatever popped into my head. What popped at Spin Lake was "hey, take the route you rode for the Miles of Smiles century backwards." So I did. And when I reached Congerville, what popped was "hey, you can ride the part you missed during MOS." So I did. Very quickly I found out what I missed: hills, hills, and more hills. A couple were 10% grades, a couple were 7% grades, and one was even an 11% grade. Towards the end of the ride, I was hearing a noise on and off, coming from the crank. The hills put a lot of pressure on the crank today, so I won't be surprised if some maintenance is needed. 60 mile...

See what happens when life throws curve balls at you? Well, they may not have been all that curvy, but they were enough the last couple of weeks to keep me from blogging. I've thought about blogging. I even opened up a new post at one point. I just couldn't bring myself to sit down and actually write. I guess that would be a strike. The same kind of thing was happening with my writing. I thought about story ideas. I opened up a story on several occasions with the intention of working on it. Three minutes later, after staring at the words on the page, I'd close the document. Strike two. Thankfully, now that the semester has begun, things are starting to fall into place and I don't feel nearly as discombobulated as I had been. I'll give myself a ball there. So the count stands at 2-1. If the first week is any indication, my classes are going to be fun. I have some sharp students. Each class has its own personality, which changes things up nicely. If they were all th...

Last Friday we did our usual first weekend of August trip to Door County, Wisconsin. I loaded up Sweetness, excited to be able to see the beautiful countryside of Door County from a bicycle this year. Friday evening I only had time for a short ride, so I did a HIIT workout on the road that follows the Bay coastline. I managed to cycle 12 miles in 38 minutes, the fastest I've ever done 12 miles before, going 19.l mph. I was quite happy with that. Saturday morning, I tip-toed out the hotel door at 7 am and spent two hours exploring the back roads. At one point, I came around a bend and over a gentle rise to find cows being herded across the road. The man herding them called to me to stop as the cows didn't know what I was and might want to investigate. Not wanting to be attacked by a herd of huge black and white bovine, I stood as still as I could until the herding was finished. Though I only got in the two rides during the three-day stay, they were very good rides. Yesterday I...

My epic walk on Monday left me with a blister on each of my feet, both exactly in the same place near the heel. These aren't just run of the mill blisters; they're ginormous. The one on my right foot is the bigger of the two, and yesterday evening I was in some major pain. I've had blisters before, and none of them ever hurt like the one I have now. The slightest pressure on the skin near the blister was painful as well. I was fearing it was becoming infected. As soon as I got home (we were at football practice with my youngest), I dabbed triple antibiotic ointment on it and took a couple of pain relievers. An hour later, the pain was nearly gone. Today, the pain is there, but it's much less than what I was dealing with last evening. I've not had to take any pain relievers today, so hopefully whatever it was is on the mend. With it now being August--can you believe it?--the last couple of days I've been mulling over my goals for the summer. At this point, I...

With it being the first of August, and since I rode over 140 miles Saturday and Sunday, I decided to welcome the new month with a walk. The last time I had my tennis shoes on was sometime back in May, I think, so lacing them up felt a bit strange. My feet were wondering what the heck as I have been barefoot or wearing flip-flops since spring. I gathered up my Garmin and cell phone, and set off to see just how far the local trail extended to the east. About a half mile into the walk, I looked at the Garmin. It showed my speed, but nothing else was registering. After a couple of steps I realized I'd not pushed the start button. You'd think that three weeks into using the darn thing I'd remember to do this when I begin a ride or a walk. Hopefully, I'll not forget the next time I go out, but knowing me, I probably will. I started out later this morning than I usually like to. To be honest, I hadn't decided to walk until after getting up, and I didn't get up unti...

I did it again. I missed a turn during a century ride and went totally off course. Thankfully, because I know the area so well, I was able to make my own route back to the starting point. Unfortunately, I ended at 95+ miles, missing the 100 mile goal. As penance, I rode home from the starting/finishing point to get to the 100 miles. In the end, I went 103 miles. Most of this course I've ridden at one time or another. There was only one section I've never experienced. This section was hilly but manageable. And this section led into another that I've ridden before that I knew was very, very hilly. All last evening, I thought about one hill in particular and decided if I had to get off and walk, so be it. Century riding for me isn't a race. It's an opportunity for me to get out and ride a longer course than I usually do, enjoying the scenery along the way. The century route today was beautiful, and when I reached the section I knew was extremely hilly, I looked to my...