Monday, December 19, 2011

Cycling Towards Solace

With the semester over and me back home today, I had time to get to the gym and put in an hour on the spinner. Since I haven't been cycling long distances for several months now, I wasn't too sure how the legs were going to feel. I found out they were just fine and could have gone longer. There were even moments I was so caught up in what I was thinking about that when I looked at how much time had passed I was surprised. Usually spinning bores me, but not today. Today spinning helped me work out some built up tension.

My mind is consumed with Mom's condition and the knowledge that any time I will receive a call saying she has slipped away. When I left yesterday, she was somewhere none of the rest of us could go. This morning, a text from my sister said she is still unresponsive, not eating, not drinking. Right behind all these thoughts are worries about my dad who has been the most wonderful husband and caretaker a wife could ask for. The last words Mom spoke were Friday morning, when she looked at Dad and said, "I love you, my darling." My heart warms and breaks at the same time when I think about the two of them gazing at each other, professing their love.

As I cycled towards 15.5 miles today, so many images of the last few days kept replaying. I know it'll take some time for the more difficult images to fade, not send that sour pang of sadness through me. In the mean time, I'm going to try and focus on that one sweet moment when two beautiful people were given the gift of saying "I love you" one last time.

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