Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

Last week, I shared a write-up about Andrea Wilches, one of the cyclists on the Northern Tier ride, summer 2016. I had the pleasure of riding with Andrea again this summer, both of us completing the Pacific coast, and I was able to sit with Andrea to catch up, get some insight into how the rides have impacted her life. The Beautiful Face of Andrea, Part II “I think the ride last year almost changed me completely.” The ride Wilches refers to is being a cyclist for Bike the US for MS , an organization based in Blacksburg, VA. For Andrea Wilches, the change she experienced affected her view of having MS, of what it means to be strong, and about life in general. Though Wilches was four years beyond the diagnosis of MS the summer of 2016, she was still grappling with how it fit into her life. Right up to the point when her application to be a cyclist with the organization was accepted, she’d not told many friends and co-workers she has MS. The acceptance forced her hand. If she...

Last year, during one of the final days of the Northern Tier ride, I sat down with Andrea Wilches, one of the cyclists with the Northern Tier group, and talked at length with her about how the ride impacted her life. Andrea joined the group when we reached Minneapolis, which is where we also enjoyed a rest day. During our stay there, we went to the Minneapolis MS Center to meet those who participated in the programs made possible in part because of the donation given by Bike the US for MS. My memories from that day I’ll always treasure; the people I met, both those with MS as well as those who care for them, the beautiful garden, and witnessing Andrea begin her journey to finding a way to accept that she, too, has MS. Each day until the end of the ride last summer, I was constantly amazed by Andrea’s perseverance. She went into the ride with very little experience cycling long distance, and on the first day of cycling, not being completely comfortable with clipping into her pedals...

This morning I awoke early, just after daybreak, and sleep just wasn't going to come back to me as I was too curious about the bees. I needed to check on them. When I did, all was quiet. No sound came from inside the hive. The image of floating goldfish came to mind. Surely I hadn't killed them all so quickly, I thought. Hubby came out and bent down to listen. He heard a scratching noise. I leaned in but heard nothing. Dismay began to well up inside me. I figured all I could do was wait. Wait for the sun to come up to warm the hive. Wait to see if the bees began humming. So I turned to other things, like . . . planting some flowers in pots and in a pair of old rubber rain boots that had belonged to Funny Delightful Son when he was three or four years old.  putting out my new angel statue, officially putting myself in the "old people who garden and buy silly statues to place here and there."  getting on the road bike and going 10.5 miles, starting slowly since ...

I've been reading At Home in the Muddy Water: A Guide to Finding Peace within Everyday Chaos by Ezra Bayda, and one part in particular has spoken to me, made me say, "Yeah, I'm that person." Bayda tells about how during a talk, he told the group he was going to ask several audience members to join him in front of everyone and have them sing their hearts out, like they do in the shower and while in their car. Bayda goes on to relate how the tension in the room very evidently went up. He suggests this happens as a result of what people perceive as an "assault on their cherished self-image." When I read that, I went straight back to 6th grade, when I and every other sixth grader had to get up and sing the "Star Spangled Banner." Solo. I sang it with gusto, just like I did so many other things in life as a ten-year-old. When I finished, one of my classmates looked at me and said, "That was simply awful." The rest of the class laughed. Nee...

Tomorrow kicks off MS Awareness Week 2013, so I spent time today fashioning a new bracelet to wear. I made three, took apart those three because I wasn't pleased with them, then finally created one I know I will wear. I combined the MS Society colors along with the initials from Bike the US for MS. The ends are bike chain links, and the Hope charm finishes it off. Of all the bracelets I've made so far, this one is my favorite.

New Bike the US for MS total: $7324. I'm still in awe over how thoughtful, generous, kind, supportive, and encouraging so many people have been these past six months. P.S. Even since posting this last night, another donation came in, making the total now $7424. Never in my wildest dreams . . ..

You know how a great idea occurs to you at the last minute? And it's one of those sit straight up in bed in the middle of the night ideas that won't leave you alone until you do something about it? That's what happened to me with the jersey I suddenly decided I had to create for the BTUSFMS ride this summer. I knew without even hesitating what I wanted to have on the front: a large sunflower. Mom loved sunflowers. I'm no artist, though, so even though a sunflower isn't all that difficult to create, I knew I wasn't going to capture what was bouncing around in my head. I do have, however, a beautiful artist friend who has been my friend since the fourth grade. I knew Connie would understand what I wanted and be able to design the idea I put in front of her. In a matter of just a couple of days, she had the design ready. She even got in touch with the company creating the jersey and spoke to the point person there to make sure the design happened just as I envisio...

The wind today, ah, the wind. I try to think of it as a friend, a training buddy since I usually ride alone. Most of the time, the wind and I get along. It pushes me to drop to the downs, to work on remaining still, to pedal full circle. Today, though, I found no joy in riding with the wind insistent on blowing upwards of 25 mph. The game it's been playing for nearly two months now has gotten old. While I was feeling this way during my ride, I remembered Mom saying nearly the same thing about MS. I, at least, could downshift whenever I decided to ease up. I could even coast and not work at all if I wanted. With MS, Mom never got a chance to downshift or to coast. MS made all the rules and played dirty. If it wasn't muscle spasms one day, it was constant pain in her legs the next. If it wasn't numbness in her fingers for weeks, it was a ringing in her ear that kept her from sleeping. To try and deal with the ever changing rules of the MS game, Mom would just shake her head...

With the semester over and me back home today, I had time to get to the gym and put in an hour on the spinner. Since I haven't been cycling long distances for several months now, I wasn't too sure how the legs were going to feel. I found out they were just fine and could have gone longer. There were even moments I was so caught up in what I was thinking about that when I looked at how much time had passed I was surprised. Usually spinning bores me, but not today. Today spinning helped me work out some built up tension. My mind is consumed with Mom's condition and the knowledge that any time I will receive a call saying she has slipped away. When I left yesterday, she was somewhere none of the rest of us could go. This morning, a text from my sister said she is still unresponsive, not eating, not drinking. Right behind all these thoughts are worries about my dad who has been the most wonderful husband and caretaker a wife could ask for. The last words Mom spoke were Friday...

Today was probably one of the most difficult days I've ever had during my entire life. Watching a loved one decline and watching the love of her life struggle tears at the heart. I think I felt my heart break a little this afternoon from the pain I felt for my two very dear loved ones. All we can do now is hold Mom's hand, talk to her in hopes she is hearing us, and be there for her. She appears comfortable. I hope wherever she is within herself she's laughing, playing the piano, dancing, riding horses, and all the other things she loved to do before life with MS.

Today I checked in with my BTUSFMS profile page to see if there'd been any action. Pleasantly surprised, I saw my total raised to date at $500. Scrolling down the list, I read the names of two friends who had made donations, and one anonymous donor adding to the total. I am so thankful to all who are talking about my upcoming ride, spreading the word about my ride to raise awareness, and also to those who have donated, helping me inch closer and closer to my goal. With the cash donations I have to submit, I'm at $620+, which is around the Hindman, KY point on the map. I'm into my second week of my commitment to BTUSFMS, and I can't help but feel so blessed. I know without a doubt I made the right decision in applying for the ride and taking on the challenge of raising the money which will go to MS research. The support from family and friends has been absolutely awesome; talking with them about the ride gives me so much pleasure, and I feel a certain peace when it co...

Yesterday Hubby and I drove over to see Mom. I'd heard from my sister that she was doing well after having a rough day on Wednesday. I really didn't know what to expect when I walked in, so it was a very pleasant surprise to see Mom sitting up, her hair washed and styled, a smile on her face, and her very much aware of who I was. She looked and acted like the Mom I knew before almost losing her. We stayed all afternoon, leaving for about an hour to have some lunch, and to let Mom visit with some friends who'd driven a long ways to see her. When we returned to her room, we talked and laughed, reminiscing about my childhood days, my high school days, and my life now. The friends from Michigan, who'd babysat me when I was a baby, filled us in on their kids' lives and their own. Somehow, talk turned to playing euchre, and Mom was determined she was going to play. Hubby scrounged up two decks of cards from the nurses' station, this after he sweet talked one of the ...

Fourteen years ago, my mom was diagnosed with MS. Since that time, not a moment of her life has passed without her condition being that pesky fly buzzing around her head and not going away no matter how many times she swats at it. As the years have gone by, I've watched her struggle to remain the vibrant and mobile mom, grandma, wife she was used to being for all of us. For the last eight years, the MS seemed to have leveled off, seeming satisfied that my mom was confined to a wheelchair but able to still do some things that gave her great pleasure, like visiting friends once a week for breakfast. About three weeks ago, though, the MS raised its ugly head and showed us all it's still very much in control, and then last week, the call came that Mom was in the hospital, the outlook grim. When I arrived to Mom's hospital bed, I realized I wasn't as prepared for the more difficult days to come as I had thought I was. Since her diagnosis, I've read as much about MS as ...

My lovely daughter and I spent the last five days as caretakers for my mom who is living with MS. My dad is her primary caretaker and has been for the last ten years. When my mom was diagnosed with MS in 1997, the doc told her she'd have at least ten years of being able to walk. In reality, she had about five years. She started using a wheelchair in 2002. At that time, she could still lift herself up, stand for a minute or two, and generally do things for herself with just a bit of assistance. By 2006, she couldn't stand for more than a couple of seconds, and because of inactivity, her strength began to lessen, making her unable to lift herself. At that time, my dad took over lifting her and doing so many things for her that she used to be able to do herself. He lifts her from the couch to her wheelchair, from her wheelchair to the commode, and then in reverse, many times a day. He's never complained. He's never expressed a desire to leave. He's never brought up the...

I've found next summer's must do: a dream ride called Bike the US for MS . Completing a ride like this would be a dream come true. Hubby just laughed when I said I was going to sign up, which is what he usually does when I say I'm going to do something. I ran the idea by the kids to see what their reaction would be, and when they found out the ride is to raise awareness and money for MS, they all said, "Do it." The fact that the kids have grown up watching their grandmother, my mom, struggle with the progression of MS definitely swayed their opinion. I'm now applying the week "think about it" rule before making a final decision. So far, two days in, the ride is still very much a must do for next summer.