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Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Battle is Raging

I've got the blah's. For about two weeks now, I've not had any desire to get out and ride, at least not beyond the commuting. The commuting has been good--cooler mornings so I don't arrive to work in need of another shower, light traffic since I leave early. So the cycling to work is going just peachy. Getting out for longer rides, though, has been non-existent. I've kind of decided to just let my blah's work themselves out. I hope they do soon.

Part of the lack of cycling desire stems from returning to work. At least that's what I'm going with. Going from having all the time in the world to get out and just go without other commitments to worry about to having to be somewhere to do something every single day is a shock to the emotional system. Going from being able to think about nothing, what I truly believe were moments of reaching the end of my brain as I'm rolling along (my hubby finds this incredibly funny, but I swear there were instances of experiencing nothingness) to having to think about grammar, sentence structure, paragraphing, Wendell Berry, Annie Dillard, Poe, Jewett, Hemingway, Carver, my promotion portfolio, the conference session I'm to give in October, and so much other "stuff" is plain exhausting. I can't keep my eyes open past 8 in the evenings. When the alarm goes off at 5:30 am, I just want to roll over and hide from the world.

Where my days were filled with hours of solitude, just me, the bike, and the road, now my days are filled with busyness and noise. At this point, three weeks into the semester, I can tell I'm reaching the limits to what I can tolerate of the noisy busyness.

Thankfully the work week is over. With no meetings on the calendar for tomorrow, I don't have to be on campus. As I write this, that familiar urge to get out and ride for hours is struggling to push itself past the week's toxic build-up. Maybe after a good night's sleep, the urge will be stronger and give me the energy to get out. Just me, the bike, and the road.

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