Two Ships That Passed in the Dark Some Time Ago
The other day, my husband came over to deliver Ado back after having him for a couple of hours in the afternoon. While I'm not keen on the whole sharing the dog situation, I do think it's good for Ado to have some time to run around a yard and enjoy being outside without being on a leash. When my husband came into the apartment, he asked if I had received his text. I told him no. I've told him several times I no longer receive his texts or calls, but for some reason he didn't believe me. He then asked me how is this possible, how could I not receive his texts? My response was this is what happens when a person is blocked.
His anger sent him out the door which he whipped back behind him, slamming it so hard I was stunned the large picture window didn't break. The entire place shook, and the boom brought Angel Baby out of his room, wondering what had happened.
For a year and a half, I've been open about not wanting to remain in this relationship. I did agree to giving it a year, to he and I trying to make this marriage work, but after six months into that year I knew nothing was going to change. He wasn't going to change. I suggested counseling early on. He refused. He said he would find a job after being unemployed for a year. A year after saying this, he was still unemployed (he is now working, and every chance he gets to complain about his job he complains).
At times I feel like I bailed when I should have stayed and tried to make the relationship work. Other times I feel like I had been trying to keep something alive that was slowly, painfully dying for the last eight years. This past year of being away from him has really shown me how damaged our relationship was/is. I'm confused over why he doesn't recognize this as well. What's even more confusing is how over the last eight years, my husband has said many times how we at some point became two ships passing in the dark. We truly did. We passed each other somewhere along the way, each traveling in opposite directions. Now I feel like we're on opposite sides of the world, unable to see each other and unable to hear each other.
My close friends who see me on a regular basis, my kids, and my sister have all told me they could see how unhappy I was before moving out. I didn't realize I was wearing my unhappiness for everyone to see. I didn't even realize how unhappy I truly was. The year living with my kids drilled it home.
And when my husband behaves the way he did when he slammed the door, I know leaving was the right thing for me to do. While I am sorry I am the source of his unhappiness, he doesn't need nor should he allow this to be so. He needs to find it within himself to create his own happiness.
This afternoon, when my husband arrived to get Ado, I put Ado on the leash and took him out to the car, not allowing my husband inside the apartment. When he brings Ado back, I will go out and retrieve him from the car so my husband doesn't have to come inside. Like with establishing the fact he can't just show up to get Ado whenever he wants and blocking his calls and texts, another boundary is being put into place as this seems to be the only way to get through to him where I am with our relationship.
His anger sent him out the door which he whipped back behind him, slamming it so hard I was stunned the large picture window didn't break. The entire place shook, and the boom brought Angel Baby out of his room, wondering what had happened.
For a year and a half, I've been open about not wanting to remain in this relationship. I did agree to giving it a year, to he and I trying to make this marriage work, but after six months into that year I knew nothing was going to change. He wasn't going to change. I suggested counseling early on. He refused. He said he would find a job after being unemployed for a year. A year after saying this, he was still unemployed (he is now working, and every chance he gets to complain about his job he complains).
At times I feel like I bailed when I should have stayed and tried to make the relationship work. Other times I feel like I had been trying to keep something alive that was slowly, painfully dying for the last eight years. This past year of being away from him has really shown me how damaged our relationship was/is. I'm confused over why he doesn't recognize this as well. What's even more confusing is how over the last eight years, my husband has said many times how we at some point became two ships passing in the dark. We truly did. We passed each other somewhere along the way, each traveling in opposite directions. Now I feel like we're on opposite sides of the world, unable to see each other and unable to hear each other.
My close friends who see me on a regular basis, my kids, and my sister have all told me they could see how unhappy I was before moving out. I didn't realize I was wearing my unhappiness for everyone to see. I didn't even realize how unhappy I truly was. The year living with my kids drilled it home.
And when my husband behaves the way he did when he slammed the door, I know leaving was the right thing for me to do. While I am sorry I am the source of his unhappiness, he doesn't need nor should he allow this to be so. He needs to find it within himself to create his own happiness.
This afternoon, when my husband arrived to get Ado, I put Ado on the leash and took him out to the car, not allowing my husband inside the apartment. When he brings Ado back, I will go out and retrieve him from the car so my husband doesn't have to come inside. Like with establishing the fact he can't just show up to get Ado whenever he wants and blocking his calls and texts, another boundary is being put into place as this seems to be the only way to get through to him where I am with our relationship.
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