Real Friends Over Fake Friends Anytime

A funny thing happened last week.

Ado and I were on our final evening walk, right at dark, and we found our way to Jersey hill. As we circled around to head down to the creek, I noticed a couple walking behind us. They were chatting, but I wasn't paying any attention to them. I was mostly just following Ado wherever his nose was taking him. When we reached the treeline by the creek, Ado stopped to really check out whatever he found interesting. I turned to see how close the couple was and realized they were closer than I'd thought. I didn't fully take in the faces, but before I could turn back to make sure Ado wasn't going on alert, the woman said, "Well hey! How are you?"

At one time, I had considered this woman a friend. Her son and Angel Baby were in the same class and were best buds. Then, she became a teacher at the school our kids attended. Funny Delightful Son had her as his teacher, and they butted heads. Constantly. At one point, when I arrived to pick up the boys after school, she was near the breaking point with Funny Delightful Son. He was definitely pushing her buttons, and she was responding just as he was hoping for. His behavior wasn't harming anyone, but he was being disrespectful, and I read him the riot act when we set off for home. Like some of his antics before, I basically said, "Knock it off or I'll kick your ass around the block." 

After that particular incident, Former Teacher Friend began giving me the cold shoulder. I tried talking to her. I even wrote an email in which I apologized for FDS's behavior, anything I had done to upset her, but still, she brushed me off every time I tried being friendly. It didn't take long before her son stopped coming to spend time with Angel Baby and vice versus. They parted ways, too, which very deeply bothered me. I truly hated seeing their friendship affected because their moms weren't able to get past whatever was driving a wedge between them.

I felt the loss of this friendship for a long time. I'm pretty sure I even wrote about it right here not too long into knowing the friendship was beyond repair. Because we were FB friends I'd see her posts. Occasionally she'd comment on one of my posts. I'm not sure what post finally spurred me to unfollow her, but one day I knew enough was enough. She was never going to be a real friend. 

Then out of the blue, all of a sudden, there she was, giving me a "hug" from ten feet away since Ado had already issued a warning growl (they say dogs are good judges of character -- just sayin'). There she was asking how are the kids? still teaching? how are things? All those hurt feelings I'd experienced so long ago surfaced, and I could feel my wall become higher with each question. If she hadn't shut me out, she'd know all the answers to her questions. I answered with basic information then turned the conversation to her, what she is doing now? how are her kids? why is she wearing a backpack on Jersey hill? After a few moments of being filled in, I then wished her well and turned to walk home.

Back at the apartment, I sat and thought about friendship. Real friendship is tough. Surface friendship is easy. And shallow. Many times fake. I'm good with the real friends who want to be a part of my life, like my friend who meets me every Tuesday afternoon at the coffeehouse to chat about our writing and whatever else is going on, and the friend who lives a ways away but finds time to read my blog and email me that she is thinking about me, and the friends who text me just to say good morning, have a wonderful day. These are real, and I am very thankful for each one of these friends.