Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

Yesterday, I had an incredible day. At one point, while I was on my way home from town after going to get a few houseplants to add to the small assembly I already have, I wondered if . . . in a month, a year, five years, ten years . . . I would remember what an incredible day I had. There are moments, and it seems like these moments are happening far more often these days, that I wish I could remember far more from my childhood, my teens, my 20's, 30's, 40's.  I want to remember. Yesterday: Saturday, October 8, 2022 early morning walk with Murphy, frost on the grass a neighbor asking where my German shepherd is and having to tell him I had to say goodbye to my beautiful boy the sadness finding me again as I thought about Ado a roaring fire in the new fireplace feet toasty warm in front of the fireplace as I graded papers sitting in the Adirondack chair and drinking a steaming cup of coffee, looking out over the back field the drive to town, the tree leaves changing colors, ...

 

 

Happy New Year!  While Christmas day was wonderful this year, and I will forever (at least I hope) remember sitting here with my three kiddoes and their partners talking the afternoon and evening away, I couldn't get the tree and other decorations down fast enough. I just wasn't feeling the whole keep the decorations up until New Year's this time around. So all the holiday accouterments were put away days ago, and some went into the thrift store box. I decided to do another deep cleaning, part of which is letting go of things that no longer give me joy. Yesterday, as a challenge to myself, I left the computer off all day. I didn't check in to anything on my phone, either. Instead, I spent time on the porch with the boys, listened to a couple of podcasts that really got me thinking, and I read, finishing up another excellent book: The Lonely Passion of Judith Hearne by Brian Moore. Highly recommend it if you're looking for something to read. And today, because it st...

Tuesday the temps reached 90. Around 5 pm, I realized I am so over the heat of summer. I'm ready for cooler temps and then the cold that will follow. For one reason. Mosquitoes. They've been just awful all summer long. The boys and I can't step outside the back door without an immediate frontal, side, and rear attack. I'm not exaggerating. It doesn't matter what time of day we try to get out. The mosquitoes are waiting and ready to assault us. I've doused myself in more bug spray the last three months than I have my entire life. The poor doggoes end up with mosquitoes on top of mosquitoes vying for space on their snouts. Taking a walk is miserable for them and me. For whatever reason, the mosquito problem seems to be relegated to my side of the village. As soon as we get three blocks away, to the east side of the village, the mosquitoes lessen. And two blocks further they all but disappear. There is a creek about a hundred and fifty yards behind the house, which...

It's official: I'm over the gray, cool, rainy weather we've been having for the past three weeks. I don't live in the Pacific Northwest because I just don't like and/or enjoy day after day of gray, gloomy weather. Every now and then is fine, but for Pete's sake, enough already. Mother Nature, please be kind and give us some heat and sunshine!  Okay, weather rant over. Thankfully I was able to get most of the house painting finished before being sidelined by the weather. All that's left are the corbels, some of the front porch, and the basement windows. Not a lot at all, but it's quite frustrating to not be able to work and complete the job. What is finished is absolutely beautiful! Seriously beautiful. I had this vision in my mind about how the green, brown, and pale yellow would work together, and the reality is even better than what I imagined. Every time I walk the dogs and approach the house as we return, I'm struck by how the house seems so much...

Friday I learned two things: 1. After not wearing make-up for over a year, the make-up I had was dried up and mostly unusable. 2. After not wearing earrings for over a year, the piercings in my earlobes were very reluctant in allowing anything to pass through them.  I'm inclined to continue not wearing make-up and earrings. I went for over a year just fine with neither, and really, at this point I simply can't be bothered.  But for Friday, I eked out as much mascara as I could and I wore a pair of very light, silver earrings for Funny Delightful Son's graduation. It was kind of nice, too, to dress up a little after wearing jeans, flannel shirts, and sweats for the last eight months. Even through the last month it's been quite chilly, so I've not packed away the flannel just yet. Friday, though, with the chill somewhat offset by the sun when it peeked out from behind the clouds, I wore a sleeveless, polka dot dress I found at Goodwill. It has buttons up the left side...

The really, really old furnace I ran an experiment through the month of March. I turned my furnace off on March 1st and kept it off (except for a couple of days when Lovely Beautiful Daughter was staying with me), just using the fireplace to warm the house. I wanted to see if 1) the fireplace would actually heat the house and not just the living room; and 2) what this would do for the gas bill. While my February gas bill wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, it was still on the high side. The furnace is old and inefficient. It's definitely time for it to retire. What I found was the fireplace will warm the entire house. I got into the routine of turning it on around 6:30 am and letting it run for a couple of hours. The blower chased the chill out of the air quickly, and I found I was very comfortable for several hours after turning the fireplace off. Then I'd turn it back on in early afternoon, letting it run again for a couple of hours. Then around 7 pm I'd tu...

This week has been spring break for me, and the weather has been wonderful the entire time.  I had promised myself I would sit and work each day, but the sun and the warm temps put all thoughts of work to the back burner. I finally forced myself to spend several hours at my computer yesterday, getting things put into place for the next four weeks of class. Afterwards, I set off for Havana to see if I could spot some birds migrating. While I didn't see many, I had a good hike in the Chautauqua wildlife refuge with Murphy. He's my ride-along buddy wherever I go. He just settles right in and naps the entire time.  Friday was Funny Delightful Son's birthday. He is now 24  years old. All three of my kids have had their birthdays this year, the oldest coming in at 29 and the youngest at 22. When I sit and think about the last 30 years, all that comes to mind is "don't blink." The moments are here then gone so quickly. Don't blink.  Through the week I spent time ...

When I was in the process of buying my little house in the little village surrounded by cornfields, I had a septic inspection completed just to give me peace of mind that the septic system was good to go. I figured it was since a new septic tank had been installed about five years ago, but I wanted to know for sure what I was dealing with. It's an aerobic septic system, one that I'd never heard of, and after reading about these kinds of systems, I felt like having an inspection would help me learn even more. Little did I know that the inspector would issue a violation for the washing machine emptying into a drain in the basement floor. Which he did. Which meant I had three choices: 1) walk away from buying the house; 2) spend the money to plumb the washing machine into the new septic tank; or 3) remove the washing machine all the way around. The owners of the house had accepted my offer with the condition that I buy the house "As Is." They refused to pay for anything ...

I am fully in my new home. And every time I walk through the door, I smile and say hello to my new surroundings. I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to make this move, and I know without a doubt that I made the right decision in leaving a place that was exactly what I needed when I was facing a bad time in my life. I truly believe each step that I've made over the last three years has been guided by a force way bigger than I am or ever will be. It's a bit uncanny how quickly all of this happened. I started looking for a place in December, thinking my lease would be up at the end of May and it might take three or four months to actually find the house I wanted, get the loan in place, and move. I had already spent some time looking at houses online, knowing approximately what my top end needed to be for me to feel comfortable with a mortgage. I knew the small towns I wanted to check out, too, so I spent a couple of days making a list of houses I wanted to look at. I...

The "have-to-go-to" meetings are out of the way. Really, they weren't so bad. I don't mind sitting through a meeting these days. Not too long ago, I would have been singing a different tune. I remember a retreat my dean required all of us to go to, and I wasn't happy at all about having to go. It was a Friday, a day I used to mark on the calendar for grading since we have no classes on Fridays, and the retreat was scheduled at a time during the semester when I had a ton of papers to read/respond to. Yeah, I was in a foul mood when I arrived at the retreat. The person brought in to run the retreat said hello when I walked in and told me to take a name badge. She then said I didn't have to put my name on it. Instead, I could put how I was feeling. So I put "Annoyed." When my dean saw this, she gave me a look of half amusement half disappointment. My foul mood didn't improve as the morning wore on. If anything, I became even more resentful for hav...

The other day, my husband came over to deliver Ado back after having him for a couple of hours in the afternoon. While I'm not keen on the whole sharing the dog situation, I do think it's good for Ado to have some time to run around a yard and enjoy being outside without being on a leash. When my husband came into the apartment, he asked if I had received his text. I told him no. I've told him several times I no longer receive his texts or calls, but for some reason he didn't believe me. He then asked me how is this possible, how could I not receive his texts? My response was this is what happens when a person is blocked. His anger sent him out the door which he whipped back behind him, slamming it so hard I was stunned the large picture window didn't break. The entire place shook, and the boom brought Angel Baby out of his room, wondering what had happened. For a year and a half, I've been open about not wanting to remain in this relationship. I did agree t...

Last year at this time I was cycling the Pac coast. Had just enjoyed two days in San Francisco. Was headed into the last ten days or so that would complete the rest of the ride. The final morning I'd awakened early, before sunrise, and when I looked outside my tent, the full moon was setting over the Pacific. A golden path leading from the beach to the horizon undulated on the surface of the ocean. I was mesmerized. This morning, Ado and I left out earlier than usual for our morning walk. We went the short route which takes us around a few blocks then back to the large open grassy area known as Jersey Hill. When I looked towards the west, a beautiful almost-full yellow moon hung just over the tree tops. I feel so fortunate to have memories of the moon over the Pacific and the moon over the prairie. I view the memories as reminders to look around, really notice the small things I sometimes overlook since I've seen them many times before; enjoy the delight sparked by what...

As Ado and I started off on our late afternoon walk, I thought, I am in charge of my bliss . The longer we walked, the more settled into that idea I became. I felt the same comfort that washed over me last year in mid April, when I walked the grounds of Allerton, listening to the owls calling, and I thought,  I am free.  It is in these moments that I see the path in front of me more clearly. I received a critique for my haiku. A 540-word critique on 54 words of haiku. I had to laugh when I saw that. I figured the person really didn't like my poems if the need to write ten times more for critique seemed necessary. The critique was mixed, which is fine, and some good suggestions were offered. I've decided I'm done with the haiku, though, so I won't be making any further changes. I sent a thank-you note to the person who critiqued, then moved on with my day. A wood thrush, I think. It was really sad to watch it fade away. This afternoon, Ado and I snuggled on the c...

Happy New Year! I love the promise that always swirls with the coming of the new year. All the possibilities stretching out before me. The older I get, the more I wish I had really tended to each year's possibilities and nurtured them fully, not just for the month of January. Thinking about what slipped by the wayside, what became lost in the everyday shuffle of life, makes me sad. But I have another opportunity. 2018 is rolled out like a red carpet in front of me, and today, here at the starting line, a neon sign is blinking: Don't Squander Opportunities! Last year my mantra was Persistence. I truly feel like I did persist in many different areas of my life and I feel stronger, more confident. Each time I said, "No," and each time I went with my gut instinct on an issue, the taller I stood, the calmer I became, and the more convinced I felt that the direction my life had veered is the right direction. This year, my mantra is Don't Squander Opportunities....

Today is a happy day for me. My first ever published poem is out there. Honestly, I don't care if I don't get anything else done today. I just want to keep opening the website where my poem has been offered alongside many other wonderful poems for all to read. I feel very honored to have been granted this opportunity. If you'd like to read "Shivering in the Passenger Seat," click here . You'll be taken to the latest issue of Tipton Poetry Journal . Read all of the poems. I know you'll find one, maybe two, perhaps even ten that will move you. With just a little over a month left of my sabbatical, I'm feeling a bit sad. The time off from prepping for five classes, from grading 100+ essays several times a semester, from committee work, etc. has been just wonderful. I finally got a sense for what it's like to be a full-time writer. I've always wondered what this kind of life would be like, and now I know a little bit better. I wish I could live t...

Today was the first day I've been able to really sit at my desk and write. And research. And upload the photos from my camera. And transfer the video clips from my GoPro. And even submit two poems to a literary magazine. Being this productive feels really good. To start my day, I made lemon blueberry scones with lemon glaze. While I'm mostly a gluten and grain-free eater, I do like scones. Scratch that. I LOVE scones. Those I will allow myself to eat. Being able to move around a kitchen and bake or cook has been one of the delightful things about being home. Eating refried beans smeared on a tortilla, topped with goat cheese and salsa verde, got pretty old after a month of it. Presently, I'm waiting for the pizza dough I made just a bit ago to rise. While I won't eat the crust, I thought it'd be fun to make homemade pizza for dinner. I've not done that in a very long time. As I wait, I decided to look through the nearly 2000 photos from my camera. These incl...

The decision has been made. I will be returning to Blogger and A Clunk Upstairs. What I have at my website will migrate here, hopefully by the beginning of summer. I'm stoked! This is one decision I am completely happy with. I have so much good happening right now, and so much to look forward to through the rest of the year. One of the really wonderful things is listening to my son play the alto sax. Last evening, we sat in the audience as he played with three other students for chamber concert. Angel Baby has been working with the younger students all year, and their piece went well. As I watched, I realized how relaxed and comfortable my son has become playing. The confidence. The control. And afterwards, when I spoke to him as he was helping place chairs and music stands for the next group, he was all of a sudden a young man, no longer the boy I've always thought of him as being. I am deeply thankful for being along for the ride, watching him grow and mature.

Monday marked the 9th wedding anniversary for Hubby and me. We went to a nicer restaurant in town to have dinner and celebrate. Unfortunately, what should have been a lovely dinner spiraled downward, each of us unhappy with the other by the time we left the restaurant. One comment Hubby made stayed with me the next few days, and Friday, on our way home from taking Lovely Beautiful Daughter and her boyfriend to the airport (another unfortunate event--they were flying to Boston after learning of the unexpected death of her boyfriend's father), Hubby and I talked further about his comment to me at our anniversary dinner. I told him I was considering writing about it here, and he replied that he would love to see what comments I receive regarding this subject. So, here goes. My perspective of a marriage is it is a partnership. Each member of the relationship helps the other out simply because, to me, that's what a partnership entails. Including housework. Yeah. This is why our di...