Sometimes, when I'm working on a new written piece, especially a poem, I'll sketch out what I'm seeing in my mind, what I want to take from the swirling that is in my head to paper. Today, as I was working on a poem that has been pulling at me, I had the overwhelming urge to get the sketch pad out and let the pencil go to work. At one point, I felt as if I wasn't even the one sketching. I wasn't thinking about how I wanted the image to look. It just happened. I've never felt this experience before. I thought, too, that I'm not truly worthy of this kind of experience since I'm not an artist. But I quickly checked myself. For some reason "something" was speaking to me and helping me get what was in my head to the sketch pad. I need to honor that and work to make my vision become tangible.
Now, with the image in front of me, I'm finding the words are happening though the writing is slow.
Last night I dreamed I was with a friend from work and another person I didn't know. We were in a place I didn't recognize, so we were trying to figure out where we needed to go that was familiar. We went into a small building, only big enough for the three of us to just step around each other. Along the wall opposite the door were panels of lights and buttons, and to the left side of the panel a blanket hung from the ceiling to the floor. I pulled the blanket aside to see what was behind it and found myself staring at faces contorted in agony. People had been put into what looked like a tube and left there. They appeared to have been trying to get out but couldn't. A similar tube with people in it was behind yet another blanket on the right side of the panel with lights and buttons.
The three of us were quite freaked out over this, so we went to the door to leave. It was locked. I looked around and found a bobby pin (cue Fallout 4 and Fallout: New Vegas!). I've become a pro at using the bobby pin to unlock things in the games, so I quickly worked the bobby pin in the door lock. I could see the little tab I had to connect with inside the lock, and within seconds we were outside the building. At this point, I looked down the road we had walked and saw a car outside another building. The car hadn't been there when we passed it, so I figured it was the person who put all the bodies into the tubes, and I could feel the fear building. Then, a little voice in my head said, "This is a dream." I was like, okay, good to know, nothing to fear here. The three of us headed away from the horror building but I ended up waking up. I figured once that inkling of the whole thing being a dream is put on the table, the game's over.
Sort of like spring break. It's over, and right when we had a beautiful, sunny day after days of snow, wind, and cold. Ado and I enjoyed two nice walks to be sure we took advantage of the warmth. In between the walks, because Lovely, Beautiful Daughter came in to see Angel Baby perform in his last high school jazz concert, the three kids and I had a family discussion. I'm learning my kids are and have been very concerned about me and are very much in favor of me finding a place of my own. We decided that it would be in everyone's best interest to find a place we all could share, splitting rent, utilities, and other costs. I'm really very surprised with how the kids have no reservations about living with me and all of us helping each other out. It's kind of cool.
Now we're all looking for a place we can call home for a year. We agreed to rent for a year then reassess how things are going. I'm trying to focus on work and finishing up the next eight weeks. Just eight weeks! Then? A new beginning.