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Monday, March 27, 2017

Changing The Way I Think

Last evening, I did something I've never done before in my 53 years of living. I showed my feet some love. Yep. I took an hour out of my evening to wash my feet with hot, soapy water then go over them with a pumice. From there I rubbed in some lotion, massaging my feet along the way. As I reveled in the relaxation brought about by the kneading of the muscles in my feet, I wondered what took me so long to realize the neglect I'd been showing two very important parts of my body. I mean, they do so much work each and every day. You'd think I'd have figured this out a long time ago and taken steps to make sure they were given the attention they truly deserve. Now that I've seen the light, I will see to it that my feet are given due care to keep them in working order.

Part of my feet care was me finding other things to do than play Fallout: New Vegas. I wasn't so sure I was going to enjoy this version of Fallout when I first started it, but if the nine hours of playing Saturday afternoon and evening is any indication . . .. So yes, I'm enjoying it tremendously. That nine hours of play showed me something about myself: I have to stop thinking the way I tend to think. I'm usually a very logical, point A to point G kind of thinker. This won't work in the gaming world. Anything is possible in the gaming world. Once I took this to heart, I began having a better time in the game. I still run into obstacles and have to ask for help, but my asking for assistance has brought about some wonderful conversations with Funny Delightful Son and Angel Baby.

Today, I arrived to work and found a gift bag--containing a lovely dark chocolate bar--hanging from my office door handle. I asked several people about the small gift, and I finally found out who left it for me--someone I've called friend ever since I began teaching in this small Illinois town. Such a kind gesture by my friend. When I asked if she left the bag, she replied that yes, it was her and she'd been thinking about me all weekend. I've been giving this "thinking about me" a lot of thought lately, so the fact that someone showed me I was being thought of makes me want to do better at showing others I'm thinking of them. I know I don't tell people as often as I should that I was thinking about them, and I'd like to find ways to let the people I care about know that I am.

After work, after Funny Delightful Son and I went to look at a rental, I had an emotional meltdown. It was all I could do to keep myself together until after I dropped FDS off at his apartment. Once I knew he could no longer see me, I fell apart, driving down the road with tears slipping down my face. Then I sat in my car for several minutes after pulling into the garage, wondering how in the world I'd reached this point in my life. I feel like I just keep making the same mistakes, and part of this happening is because I won't stand up to bad behavior. I'll point it out. I'll say, "That's isn't acceptable." But I won't go any further, at least not until the bad behavior does irreparable damage. Kind of like with the gaming, I need to change the way I think or I'm going to just keep spinning my tires.

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