One week ago today I stepped onto a scale. I had no choice because if I had, I certainly wouldn't have done something that makes me so incredibly disappointed in myself. I loathe weighing myself. I have ever since I was a kid. Once a person is labeled "chubby," "chunky," "pudgy," "fat," and my personal favorite, "thick," anything directly connected to making that label seem even remotely accurate is avoided. So I began avoiding the scale, at like age eight. When I was 10, we had to be weighed in the classroom, in front of all the others. At the time, I was around five feet one inch (I truly thought I was destined to be six feet tall as I was a head taller than all the other girls in the class), and I distinctly remember weighing in at 106 pounds. I also distinctly remember my teacher, who I thought was absolutely the most beautiful woman I had ever met in my short life, smiling at me and nodding, not saying my weight out loud like she had all the other students who had registered under 100 pounds. I loved her even more for that. But I knew everyone was thinking she's so chubby for a ten-year-old. Thus started my loathing of scales. They are the bane of my existence. So I avoid them.
But I couldn't avoid the scale last week. Nope. The doc said hop on. I hopped while declaring what my weight was before it registered. I was spot on. And my heart sank because what I declared and what the scale showed told the story of my slothfulness, my eating whatever whenever, but probably most importantly my disregard for my physical health as well as my emotional health. At the conclusion of the doc visit, I knew I had to make a change now.
That change has been to chart everything I eat in a day to calculate calories, fat, carbs, etc.(immensely grateful for online programs that help with all of this!). After the first day, I thought back over the last four months, all the things I'd been consuming, and I knew full well why I weighed in where I did. I also got back on the bike, which has been on the trainer next to my bed since January, but I'd only been on it intermittently. In making much more mindful decisions about what I eat, I feel in control. I've seen my sugar consumption become less and less over the last week, even staying under my goal for the last three days. I've seen my carbs consumption lessen, as well. The last two days have been nearly perfect in the carbs, protein, and fats being balanced. When I stepped on the scale this morning, I felt less dread because I know I've been eating for my physical and emotional health. Doing so rewarded me with a 3.1 pounds lost over the last week.