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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Biting Reality of Life

The winds whooped all night and on through today. Last I saw, the winds were 25-30 mph with 40 mph gusts. All day I watched from the classroom as heavy gray clouds moved across the sky, and the trees on the quad swayed back and forth. While I was glad to be inside out of the winds, I found myself sleepy most of the afternoon. The gloomy, gray day was just perfect for curling up with a good book and napping. Now all is calm, and I'm trying to read and respond to student papers. Not going so well.

I'm finding myself in a fog these days. Work is okay, but the paper load is overwhelming. I know I'm the one to blame as I do these involved writing projects that mean quite a bit of reading and responding for me. I could cut out some of the steps I have the students go through, but the steps are crucial to the students understanding how to write a solid essay. Maybe I'm kidding myself in thinking the students actually get what it is I'm herding them towards. Since I don't see the students beyond this class, I have no real idea of what they do with the information in the next level of writing. Anecdotally I hear the students who leave my class are very prepared for the next level and tend to do really well, but without hard evidence, I don't know. Maybe I'm killing myself for nothing.

On top of work overload, there's the home overload. With Hubby being out of work now for ten months, things are getting a little tense on the homefront. I try to understand how he's feeling about not having a job, but frankly, it's tough. All I can see is how I've picked up extra hours at work to make sure a little bit of extra is coming in for the just in case scenario. I've taken on the health/dental/vision insurance which means a nice chunk taken out of my check every two weeks. I've even done a bit of side work to bring in some extra money. When I get home after eight hour days, sometimes longer, knowing I still have three or four hours of paper reading ahead of me in the evening, and see the dishes from the morning still in the sink, the floors still needing to be swept, the clothes still piled in front of the washer, I get a little angry. I don't get how someone who is home all day can't see that things need to be done, that it's just disrespectful to not have these things done for the person who is making sure the household stays afloat.

Sometimes life just bites. Right now, it's really biting me in the ass and it hurts.

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