You Gotta Go Through to Get Out
So I totally didn't do any prep work to get ready for the fall semester before reporting back to work last week. I was like Ado when I take him out for a walk on a hot day -- dragging my feet and really just not wanting to do it. And last week, I did just enough to be ready for my first class, which is tomorrow morning. I have complete awareness of my lack of preparedness, and I'm okay with it. I've been doing this for just over 25 years. I should know what I'm doing at this point. If not, I need to hand in my office keys and call my career done. Stick a fork in it.
Whatever happens tomorrow -- well -- it happens. There's not much more to say.
I did take a big step recently concerning my husband. I blocked him on my phone. No more texts. No more calls. I also told him he needs to stop dropping by and just walking in. This is not his home. Needless to say, he's behaving like I never said anything, He's still dropping by and just walking in. He uses Ado as the excuse, saying he wants to take him to his place for some outside time. The kids keep telling me it's time to not allow this any longer, but I feel really bad for Ado. He loves being able to run around in the yard. I know I have to take this next step, though, if I'm going to continue moving forward, away from him.
Yesterday I was reading about narcissism and the traits a person with narcissistic tendencies exhibits. My husband possesses all the traits. When I finished reading, I read over the chapter again just to be sure I wasn't reading too much into what was being offered. I then looked up more information online, which pretty much reinforced what the book was saying. I was, and still am, stunned. How did I not realize this much sooner?
What really clicked was the way a narcissist will blame everyone else for things going wrong. Just three days ago, my husband showed up, walked into my living room and said, "We need to talk." He then launches into telling me how since his heart attack he takes his blood pressure every morning. With the medications, his BP has been really good. Then, when we argued last week over the whole financial mess we're in, his BP has been up ever since. In so many words, he blamed me for his BP going up. It's my fault and I need to not argue with him.
Seriously? I didn't go to his place, walk in uninvited, and proceed to tell him he didn't do the paperwork correctly. I didn't begin yelling at him that he was an idiot and was going to make an even bigger mess of things. No. He's the one who came to my home, walked in uninvited, and proceeded to tell me I was wrong and making things worse. He's the one who began yelling. At me.
For years, this has been how things go.
But not anymore.
I am fully aware that I will be the one paying the bill for the financial mess. After doing the requested paperwork, it's clear my assets and future potential earnings put the target on my back. I've taken steps to alleviate the impact, and I know I'll be okay in the end. I've created a plan to have the bill paid off in two years or less. I won't be able to save much while paying, but I can save a little, which is better than nothing at all.
I got this. Even as I type this, I have a smile on my face -- the only way out is through, right? I'm most of the way through.
Whatever happens tomorrow -- well -- it happens. There's not much more to say.
I did take a big step recently concerning my husband. I blocked him on my phone. No more texts. No more calls. I also told him he needs to stop dropping by and just walking in. This is not his home. Needless to say, he's behaving like I never said anything, He's still dropping by and just walking in. He uses Ado as the excuse, saying he wants to take him to his place for some outside time. The kids keep telling me it's time to not allow this any longer, but I feel really bad for Ado. He loves being able to run around in the yard. I know I have to take this next step, though, if I'm going to continue moving forward, away from him.
Yesterday I was reading about narcissism and the traits a person with narcissistic tendencies exhibits. My husband possesses all the traits. When I finished reading, I read over the chapter again just to be sure I wasn't reading too much into what was being offered. I then looked up more information online, which pretty much reinforced what the book was saying. I was, and still am, stunned. How did I not realize this much sooner?
What really clicked was the way a narcissist will blame everyone else for things going wrong. Just three days ago, my husband showed up, walked into my living room and said, "We need to talk." He then launches into telling me how since his heart attack he takes his blood pressure every morning. With the medications, his BP has been really good. Then, when we argued last week over the whole financial mess we're in, his BP has been up ever since. In so many words, he blamed me for his BP going up. It's my fault and I need to not argue with him.
Seriously? I didn't go to his place, walk in uninvited, and proceed to tell him he didn't do the paperwork correctly. I didn't begin yelling at him that he was an idiot and was going to make an even bigger mess of things. No. He's the one who came to my home, walked in uninvited, and proceeded to tell me I was wrong and making things worse. He's the one who began yelling. At me.
For years, this has been how things go.
But not anymore.
I am fully aware that I will be the one paying the bill for the financial mess. After doing the requested paperwork, it's clear my assets and future potential earnings put the target on my back. I've taken steps to alleviate the impact, and I know I'll be okay in the end. I've created a plan to have the bill paid off in two years or less. I won't be able to save much while paying, but I can save a little, which is better than nothing at all.
I got this. Even as I type this, I have a smile on my face -- the only way out is through, right? I'm most of the way through.
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