Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

Saw the DO yesterday. Left the appointment with some hope. For nearly four weeks I've lived with incredible pain in my right leg. The pain grips my thigh, knee, and upper shin, like my leg is in a vice that is tightening and not letting up. For nearly four weeks, I've sat in this recliner, crying through the night because of the pain. Exhaustion on top of pain is not sustainable. The DO asked me to go through what I've been experiencing. When I finished, she shook her head, saying the ER went down the wrong path, that the issue is not the compression fracture; it is a nerve issue. Most likely a herniated disc, which wouldn't have shown up on a CT scan. She seemed irritated that they didn't do an MRI right there given the amount of pain I was in at that moment in the ER. I said it was pretty obvious they didn't believe me when I tried to explain the pain.  The DO ordered an MRI, which I hope to get done early next week. She also prescribed a nerve-blocking painki...

Three weeks into this compression fracture of my L2, I'm seeing some improvement with mobility, less pain overall, but a very short patience fuse. Three weeks of too much sitting, not enough sleep, and constant pain is a recipe for disaster. I'm trying to be mindful of what the dogs need, but there have been moments when all I can do is sit here and cry because I know I'm not giving them my best me. Not even close. But I don't know how to give them the best me when I can't move like I used to, when I am in pain all the time, and when I'm exhausted. I'm just trying to make it from one moment to the next. When I was in the ER, I tried to convey just how much pain I was in, but I'm not convinced the nurse practitioner or the nurse believed me. The nurse practitioner offered morphine, which I probably should have taken, but me being me, I figured there was an alternative that wasn't so drastic. I was given Norco while there, but it didn't seem to do ...

I finally caved and started using the pain meds. I simply couldn't get any relief from the constant pain running along my groin, thigh, and knee. Changing sitting position doesn't help. Standing and walking only aggravates things. Laying down is out of the question. And at night, the pain intensifies, which I learned is a thing. For the last three nights, I've sat here and cried for hours because of the pain. I am exhausted. The pain meds have offered some relief as well as the ability to sleep a little. Ten days into this situation I'm wondering just how long it's going to take to heal. My doctor said 8-12 weeks. That seems like a really long time, but all I can do is take it day by day. I'm learning I need to pick my battles -- the dishes can pile up in the sink, the floors can be covered in dog hair, the dogs can sit in the fenced yard instead of going for a walk. These things will be taken care of sooner or later, definitely later, and in the meantime life w...

Today is a better day than yesterday. And yesterday was better than the day before it. I guess that's all I can ask for. Last Thursday evening, I experienced pain like I've never experienced before, even when going through natural childbirth and having a 10 pounds 9 ounces baby. That was difficult. Last Thursday was impossible. No matter what I tried to do, the pain gripped my hip and leg, squeezing like a vice. At one point I wondered if I had broken my hip. What made the whole situation worse was the doctor and the nurse not fully understanding how much pain I was in. Even after being given a pain med, which I was lectured was very easy to become addicted to, the pain didn't ease. Not one bit. If anything, the pain worsened. I was sobbing, truly sobbing, yet the doc and nurse kept insisting it was sciatica. I knew it wasn't. The CT scan proved me right. Today, the pain is manageable. Ibuprofen and a heating pad across my lower back eases the pain significantly while I...

Life has a way of knocking you down. Last Monday I woke up with a bit more hip pain than usual. I've had hip pain in my right hip for years and always just chalked it up to arthritis. I've been active my entire life, so having hip pain was just a part of the walking, the running, and the cycling. But Monday morning made me think something else was going on. Tuesday the pain was worse. Wednesday even worse. And Thursday the pain was to the point that I couldn't stand, walk, sit, or lay down. The pain was excruciating. To the point of crying.  I ended up at the ER. I didn't want to go. I wanted to wait until morning to go to prompt care. But the pain was the worst I have ever experienced in my life. Even going through a natural birth to a nine pounds, ten ounces baby boy was cake compared to the pain I was experiencing Thursday night. The ER doc initially said sciatica. I said nope. I used to have sciatica and know what it feels like. This was not sciatica. So he ordered ...

I am so sick of this country's administration. Every day this administration shows just how corrupt it is, yet every day it is allowed to continue. There are people in powerful places who can make it stop, but they're not. Absolutely sickening. I feel such a deep sadness over what is currently happening to our beautiful country. Last year at this time, with it being my birthday this week, I received a text from a sibling wishing me a happy birthday. My reply was thank you. The next text asked if I had retired yet. I said no, and with this clown show of an administration I might not ever be able to because the world was going to implode. After that, crickets. Which told me my sibling voted for this incredibly corrupt administration.  Not long after that text conversation, I received a text from another sibling. It was a GIF of the clown himself dancing, with happy birthday below. My response was fuck that clown. The ensuing texting conversation showed me another sibling buying i...