Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

Today is a better day than yesterday. And yesterday was better than the day before it. I guess that's all I can ask for. Last Thursday evening, I experienced pain like I've never experienced before, even when going through natural childbirth and having a 10 pounds 9 ounces baby. That was difficult. Last Thursday was impossible. No matter what I tried to do, the pain gripped my hip and leg, squeezing like a vice. At one point I wondered if I had broken my hip. What made the whole situation worse was the doctor and the nurse not fully understanding how much pain I was in. Even after being given a pain med, which I was lectured was very easy to become addicted to, the pain didn't ease. Not one bit. If anything, the pain worsened. I was sobbing, truly sobbing, yet the doc and nurse kept insisting it was sciatica. I knew it wasn't. The CT scan proved me right. Today, the pain is manageable. Ibuprofen and a heating pad across my lower back eases the pain significantly while I...

Life has a way of knocking you down. Last Monday I woke up with a bit more hip pain than usual. I've had hip pain in my right hip for years and always just chalked it up to arthritis. I've been active my entire life, so having hip pain was just a part of the walking, the running, and the cycling. But Monday morning made me think something else was going on. Tuesday the pain was worse. Wednesday even worse. And Thursday the pain was to the point that I couldn't stand, walk, sit, or lay down. The pain was excruciating. To the point of crying.  I ended up at the ER. I didn't want to go. I wanted to wait until morning to go to prompt care. But the pain was the worst I have ever experienced in my life. Even going through a natural birth to a nine pounds, ten ounces baby boy was cake compared to the pain I was experiencing Thursday night. The ER doc initially said sciatica. I said nope. I used to have sciatica and know what it feels like. This was not sciatica. So he ordered ...

I am so sick of this country's administration. Every day this administration shows just how corrupt it is, yet every day it is allowed to continue. There are people in powerful places who can make it stop, but they're not. Absolutely sickening. I feel such a deep sadness over what is currently happening to our beautiful country. Last year at this time, with it being my birthday this week, I received a text from a sibling wishing me a happy birthday. My reply was thank you. The next text asked if I had retired yet. I said no, and with this clown show of an administration I might not ever be able to because the world was going to implode. After that, crickets. Which told me my sibling voted for this incredibly corrupt administration.  Not long after that text conversation, I received a text from another sibling. It was a GIF of the clown himself dancing, with happy birthday below. My response was fuck that clown. The ensuing texting conversation showed me another sibling buying i...

The labs are in, and the numbers are fantastic. Really, I couldn't have hoped for better. While I do sometimes mope about all that I have given up, especially pizza, when I see the positive results from having done so, the clouds part, the sun shines brightly, and I dance around the house with the dogs (which gets Sunny all riled up and he ends up peeing on the couch).  It took several years, but all of the numbers are in the green. The last time I had blood work done, my liver enzymes were elevated, and my cholesterol total was nearly 300. I asked my then-doctor what I needed to do to get my cholesterol under control. Her answer was nothing, that the numbers were fine (they weren't). She said the same thing about the liver enzymes (they weren't). What she should have said was, "Let's look at your diet." She didn't. She didn't do anything except suggest medication if I was worried about the numbers. That was the moment I said I'm done with her. I n...

Winter is saying, "Hold up! Hold up! I'm not done here." The cold returned over the weekend, with a biting wind blowing, and it is still hanging around. We've reached that point of wintertime where it's close to the end but still far enough away from the end to bring about frustration. Temperatures of 14 degrees with real feel of -5 because of the wind have gotten long in the tooth. I am more than ready for winter to ease up its onslaught.  Because of the cold, the desire to go outside has waned. Having to pile on clothes multiple times a day is now annoying. Instead of getting out for walks, I'm simply opening the door and letting the boys out into the fenced yard, but even they don't want to be outside for any length of time. The four of us have decided to hole up, napping through the rest of winter (I wish). Recently I had my annual physical. This has become a requirement by my health insurance company to ensure my premium doesn't go up. So I jumped...

I left my marriage nine years ago. While I agreed to see if we could work things out a couple of years ago, it became clear, for me, the marriage was over. I asked my husband to leave me alone, but true to his nature he continued to try and be a part of my life. He would text several times a day, trying to carry on a conversation. No matter how many times I asked him to stop, he wouldn't. I finally blocked him completely. His calls went straight to voicemail so I could delete them without having to listen to them. Being free from his noise was absolute bliss. The last year we've had very little contact, and over the last two months there has been no contact at all. I'm ready to call this marriage done, so I retained a lawyer and had the first meeting to learn what I'm facing. It's not pretty, but I'm ready to cut ties completely. I told my lawyer I would talk to my husband and ask him to sign the papers without fussing and dragging this out, but deep down I knew...