Just Here, Just Now

For whatever reason, I've become a crier. I cried last week when Angel Baby filled me in on what was happening with him and his girlfriend. He'd been counting down the days until she came home for a couple week's break from the military, only to have her avoid getting together with him. After four days of being told maybe we can get together later, he ended the relationship. Tears slipped down his cheeks as he sat cross-legged in the oversized chair. My heart was breaking for him, and I fought my own tears, keeping them in check until after we talked a bit longer. Only when Angel Baby was out of the room did I let the tears have their way.

A few nights ago, I was watching Life Itself when the tears started up again. While the story itself is a bit on the cliched side, I was still moved by the idea of two people being so incredibly in love (most likely because I don't have this, and most likely because I will never know what this kind of love feels like). That aside, I truly enjoyed how the paths of the characters crossed then came full circle. I thought the movie well done overall. Antonio Banderas has certainly aged nicely, too. :)

Then today, I read a short note from a friend and followed the link she shared. She'd read my blog and thought the page she'd linked would be helpful to me. And it most definitely is, but that's not what brought the tears to the surface again. No. What brought the tears on was the incredible thoughtfulness that is such a part of who my friend is. I want to be like her. I want to dash a short note off to my friends when I find something that I know might be helpful for whatever it is my friends are trying to accomplish. To help me become more like my friend, I've made a note in my daily planner to remind myself about how one person's thoughtfulness can positively impact another person.

To be honest, the tears have always been right there ready to fall when something hits home for me. I just became really, really good at holding them back. I learned at a very young age that tears equal weakness, and I didn't want to appear weak. Now, after finally saying I accept me, the person I truly am, I think tears equal so much more than weakness. Sadness. Pain. Compassion. Understanding. Happiness. Love. Embracing the tears and being okay with them is where I am now.

Now has become my favorite word. When I was riding the Pac Coast, my daily mantra was Just here, just now. I went into that ride with the hope of taking in every single bit that made up each and every moment. I didn't always succeed doing so each day, but that ride helped me edge closer to making each day a Just here, just now kind of day. I'm still working on making now my life, enjoying each and every moment as I go along.

One of the many photos I took while on the Pac Coast ride. I loved trying
to capture a wave hitting against the rocks along the shoreline.

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