Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

Today a student confided in me that he had recently broken up with his girlfriend of three and a half years. As he uttered this, he turned his gaze to the floor and I could see him struggling to stay composed. He went on to say that because of the breakup he hadn't been able to concentrate and work on the paper he was writing for class. I told him I understand. And I do. Losing someone, even a young love, leaves a dry, hollow emptiness inside. For the last five months, I have not been able to concentrate. The result has been no writing of my own. The logical side of my brain is saying get to work, you're so close to having this collection of short stories finished, just an hour a day. I'll sit, then, in front of my computer. I'll even pull the collection up on the screen. After a minute or two, I'll close it out without having written a single word. I feel nothing when I see the words of my stories on the screen. I feel no desire to pick up where I left off. I fee...

Yesterday I rode with a group of women out to the lake, and during the ride, we passed some fully leafed out, in bloom lilac bushes. The sweet scent made me take a deep breath in. When I did so, fleeting memories of my childhood came to me, of living on a farm in Michigan that during the spring came alive with the scent of tulips, lilacs, and that moist, earthy awakening that happens when the soil warms beneath the sun. For just a second I was seven years old again, bending to inhale the fragrance of a silky red tulip, pulling a lilac branch close, brushing the light purple blooms against my nose to take in the sweet scent. And I thought of Mom. She loved lilacs. She created bouquets to set in the house to refresh the stale air that hadn't stirred during the cold months of closed windows and forced heat. Lilacs meant spring had officially arrived. All around me the signs of spring are bursting. The crab apples, the cherry trees, and even my dwarf apple trees are in full bloom...

Oh last week, wherever did you go? Why did you have to leave so quickly? Now you are but mere memories. How my heart yearns for those days, hours, minutes, seconds to return. Yes, I'm back at work after a lovely week off from classes, reading papers, prepping materials, fielding emails from wayward students. Thankfully it's now Thursday, and I am close to finishing the individual conferences scheduled the week before spring break. While I love doing these conferences, and I know the students enjoy them as well (heck, why shouldn't they since they essentially get another week off from the class?), they do tend to make my brain turn to mush by the end of the day. Seeing a student every 20 minutes during an 8 hour period over the course of four days is exhausting. So yes, I yearn for the moments of last week when I was out on the rural roads, turning my face to the sun as the pavement passed beneath my tires.

This week has been just awesome! Though it's only mid March, the weather is making me feel like it's mid June. More sun than clouds. Upper 70's. All the ingredients needed to awaken all those things that sleep through the winter. Trees are leafing out. Daffodils are fully bloomed. And the bugs . . . I rode through a cloud of gnats, getting them in my mouth and ears. Ughh! I'm not complaining, though. I'll take the gnats any day I can get out and ride thirty or forty miles. Today, riding with a friend, we covered thirty miles. We took our time and simply enjoyed being out. Even the wind couldn't get us down today. We faced the wind head on for half the ride then rode with it pushing us from behind on the way back home. I think I heard my friend saying, "Weeeeeee, weeeeeee, weeeeee!" as we rode down a hill on the way back, not having to pedal, only having to feel the delight of speed and the freedom that comes with riding a bike.

Since last Thursday I've been stalking the weather forecasters. Having a week of no classes ahead of me, I was really hoping for a chance to get outside for a ride. The trainer has been great, but I need the road to pass under my tires. Plus, for whatever reason, I just have a hard time on the trainer. I hear people complain about not getting a good workout in on the trainer, but for me, maintaining a 15 mph speed on the trainer takes everything I've got. I find riding outside to be much easier, so when I heard the 70 degrees and light winds forecast for today, I knew it was time to take the bike off the trainer and put the road tire back on. I awoke this morning to plentiful sunshine with just a slight breeze out of the west, a stark contrast to the 30 mph winds during most of last week. Farmer burning off a field I was out the door by 9:15. At the end of the street, I noticed the lilac bushes beginning to leaf out. It's only mid March, but already the tulips, the cr...

For awhile now, inspired by a gift from my sister-in-law, I've been hankering after an old bike to dismantle then use the different parts for art pieces. I finally visited the nearest pawn shop after work yesterday as I knew they had a row of bikes out front. To my delight, I found an old bike with rotted tired. Just what I was looking for. Almost before Hubby had come to a complete stop in the garage, I was out of the truck, unloading the bike, turning it over onto its seat and handlebars, and setting to work. The first project was to take one of the wheels and turn it into a picture holder. This meant I would have to use tools to loosen the bolts holding the wheels to the frame. I'd already told Hubby he couldn't help. He has a tendency to just take over and do what needs to be done. This is something I wanted to do, so I was going to have to figure out what tools to use. I got to work finding the right fitting wrench. Within just a matter of minutes I had the back whee...

The promotion portfolio is officially out of my hands and into those of the portfolio reading committee. :) Lovely, Beautiful daughter is officially on a plane heading back to Shanghai. :( Officially, I had the most awesome birthday dinner last night with my kids: grilled peanut butter and jelly followed by apple pie and ice cream. :) I opened that social networking site this morning to find a message from someone of my past, someone I can officially say I really, really dislike. :( I officially put my dismay out there for some individuals I knew would give me great advice, and they didn't disappoint. :) I recieved an official verbal commitment for another donation to BTUSFMS! :) Wow, happiness and sadness are definitely taking turns right now. Thankfully, happiness is winning.

Back in September, I received notice at work that I was eligible to apply for promotion. I filed the email away, not sure if I wanted to actually go through the motions of putting a promotion portfolio together, and when only a couple of days remained for me to declare my intentions to do so to the VP of Instruction, I decided I would go ahead and let the chips fall where they may. At that time I had six months to work on the portfolio, so I began sorting through all the "stuff" from the last three years and categorizing according to the different sections of the portfolio. Then Mom collapsed. The promotion portfolio was the furthest thing from my mind. And with Mom's death, thoughts about the promotion portfolio became nonexistent until about three weeks ago, when I could feel myself beginning to ease out of the grayness of grief. With encouragement from Hubby and colleagues, I began considering trying to put the promotion portfolio together. I didn't think I had e...