Finally Seeing Clearly

Okay, so this isn't a continuation of my paper bead project. What I can say about that is the beads are drying but still not quite ready for the next step. This . . . this is me thinking through the situation with my husband.

Three years have now passed since I made the decision to move out. Two and a half years have now passed since I told him I don't wish to reconcile. And twelve hours have passed since I watched a movie that totally creeped me out.

The man in the movie was my husband. He wouldn't accept that the young woman he wanted so badly didn't want him. He kept sending texts, emails, showing up. She blocked his texts. She blocked his emails. She moved to a new city and he followed. She was constantly looking over her shoulder.

I've blocked my husband's texts. And emails. I lock the door now when I'm home because he would just barge in as if he lives here. I am constantly looking over my shoulder. And I'm tired of it.

My best friend says my husband is a bully. He suggested months ago I get a restraining order.

My youngest says my husband is a stalker. He suggested just yesterday that I get a restraining order in place.

After watching the movie last night, after feeling my skin crawl over the behavior of the man in the movie, I realized my best friend and my youngest are correct. I've been holding onto the magical idea that my husband will one day say he's come to terms with us not being together, that he has accepted the fact we need to divorce. He will never do either of these.

I need to stop believing magic is going to happen. I need to listen to my friends and family, who see things more clearly than I do.

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