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Thursday, April 6, 2017

Doing What Feels Right

The place the kids and I will call home for the next year, beginning in May, has been found. I am both excited and sad at the same time. Excited for the possibilities that I can see for us to build our lives in a positive direction. Sad over the life with a partner I thought I was building that didn't come to fruition.

My husband has been asking that I don't leave. Last evening, he came into the living room where I was sitting with Ado, to tell me he would take any job that came along, even if it meant only making $10 an hour. For the past year, I have been asking him to do just this, that I didn't care he might only make $10 an hour. Anything would be better than nothing. Going out every day, getting away from the house to do something with the goal of helping out the household, was what I thought would be good for his sense of wellbeing,  He chose to ignore my suggestion for a year. Now that I have made the decision to leave, he will do as I have been asking for a year.

But I've reached the point of too little too late.

He told me I don't get to think too little too late.

I believe I do, and what he said to me next has had me scratching my head, thinking, "Wow" ever since. After my response of I absolutely do get to think too little too late, my husband sort of laughed, saying, "You called my bluff."

This leads me to believe he thought he could do his "I'm searching for a job every day by going online and filling out applications" routine ad infinitum.

So yeah, I feel a tug-of-war happening deep in my being, but after filling out the application for the house, after talking to the landlord who is incredibly nice and made it very clear he is happy we are going to be living in his home, the decision to leave just feels right.

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