No Choice But to Slow Down

I'm learning some days there will be less pain in my leg and other days there will be more pain in my leg. It's kind of like a crap shoot. Although, I am realizing the nights I don't sleep well do have a negative effect on me the following day. Last night I didn't sleep, and today I feel like I'm right back in the first weeks of this herniated disc. It sucks.

I've tried not to go down the rabbit holes about herniated discs, but it's hard. I want to know as much as possible about what it is and what can help to heal it. Unfortunately, there's not much that can be done to help it heal other than time, and from what I'm finding, time sometimes doesn't make any difference, which is scary to think about. There are moments I'm scared that this is my new normal for the rest of my life. I truly hope it's not.

I am able to get out and mow the lawn. It takes me two or three days to do the whole yard, but I'm okay with that. It's not like I have anything else going on and need to be somewhere. Having to slow down has shown me how I used to rush through a lot of activities when I really didn't need to. I don't know what I thought I had to get things down quickly. 

I also got my garden planted. All seeds this season. The evening after getting the last seeds in the ground we had a lovely rain shower. That was a week ago. Today, the lettuce, the kale, the beets -- nearly everything -- is sprouting. Now I just need to keep the rabbits out of the garden.

I still can't run Sunny. We're back to our morning walks and moving through the obedience training, but the trailing is still on hold. My doctor gave me the clear to do anything I want to do, telling me I'm only limited by how much pain I can tolerate, but I'm not confident my knee won't give out. At the trainings, one of the other handlers runs him and I watch. I've learned a lot doing this, but I'm really wanting to get the line back in my own hands.

It's crazy to me how much strength I've lost in my right leg in such a short amount of time. I've started doing exercises just for my right leg, and I am gaining some strength back, but it's a slog. I was sitting on the floor with both legs extended. Just trying to lift my right leg while keeping it straight sent my thigh into an immediate cramp. Bringing my right ankle up to rest on top of my left thigh was tough for quite a while. At first I couldn't do it without using my hands to bring it up. Now I can sit on the bed and bring my ankle up to rest on my left thigh without assisting with my hands. Such a small thing that we take for granted.

If nothing else, I've learned how much I was taking a lot of things for granted. I've been strong and healthy my entire life, and I worked to make sure I was strong and healthy. Spine problems never entered my thoughts since no one in my family has ever dealt with any kind of spine or back problem. I'm not sure there was anything I could have done to avoid this. From what I've been told, there's no rhyme or reason to why a disc herniates. And from what I've been finding, there area many, many people who are dealing with herniated discs, some in far worse shape than I am, which breaks my heart. I know the pain they are in.

Hopefully tonight I'll sleep better. Hopefully tomorrow the pain will be less. These are the only two things I wish for these days.