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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Dissonance

This morning the urge to ride my bike to work consumed me. Even though the temperature was 19 degrees with a real feel of single digits and even though the wind would be hitting me directly in the face as I made my way to work, the craving to ride far outweighed the comfort I would be provided through driving. It was almost like I had no control over the decision making, like someone or something had determined the choice for me before I even woke up. I was merely a puppet whose strings were being pulled by some unknown puppeteer.

So I rode. The cold numbed my thighs. The wind bit at my cheeks. My right ear hurt even though I had my hat pulled down over it.

I didn't care.

Sometimes I wonder if I don't care enough about the things I should.

Lately, my mind keeps finding its way back to a thought that occurred to me some time ago. A question, really. About love. The question surprised me as it seemed to just pop up out of nowhere. Now it won't leave me alone.

It wriggles into my thoughts in the middle of grading papers. It pokes at me when I'm reading For Whom the Bell Tolls. It interrupts a conversation I'm having with a friend. It makes me uncomfortable.

I want it to leave me alone. I just want to be left alone.

Sometimes I wonder if I don't care enough about the things I should.

2 comments:

Randall Brison said...

Ah, intriguing, and this post captures both the need to do something irrational (but life affirming) and the necessary, occasional dissonance of life.

I pray that you can care enough about the things you should.

And not care at all about the things you shouldn't.

May God give you harmony.

JK said...

Thank you, Randy. I hope you are well and warm.