Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

Friday evening, Lovely Beautiful Daughter and I traveled to Urbana to attend Made, a festival of music, poetry, and handmade arts and crafts. We chatted the entire way there, as we made our way through the booths of homemade soaps, funny magnets, pottery, and whimsical clay pots for succulents, and as we searched for the restaurant we decided to try out. On our way to the restaurant, the subject of the latest supreme court nominee came up. Lovely Beautiful Daughter, in so many words, wasn't sure the alleged events from thirty plus years ago should keep this man from being appointed. Maybe he's changed , she said. We continued talking after our appetizers had arrived. Maybe , I said. But doesn't she deserve to be heard? If he did what she says he did, she's been living with those nightmare memories for over thirty years. Lovely Beautiful Daughter nodded. Thankfully I've never experienced sexual assault , she said. At that, I could feel the tears wanting to ...

There are moments when I wonder why I continue teaching and think it would be good for my soul to go a different direction. Then I think I'm too old to start over. There's no way I could start anew and make the same kind of living I am currently enjoying. So I just sigh and continue the direction I've been going for the last twenty-five plus years. Then, out of nowhere, a message is sent telling me I'm doing exactly what I should be doing. This morning, as Ado and I were enjoying our early morning walk in a neighborhood I love strolling through because of the mid-century style homes, the tall, old trees, and the quiet, a car pulled up alongside. A voice called out my name, and I turned to see a former student. A student who had struggled due to responsibilities outside of school: work, divorce, kids. But he always managed to complete the work. He always offered his ideas and treated his peers with the utmost respect. He wore his desire for an education on his sleeve...

The other day, my husband came over to deliver Ado back after having him for a couple of hours in the afternoon. While I'm not keen on the whole sharing the dog situation, I do think it's good for Ado to have some time to run around a yard and enjoy being outside without being on a leash. When my husband came into the apartment, he asked if I had received his text. I told him no. I've told him several times I no longer receive his texts or calls, but for some reason he didn't believe me. He then asked me how is this possible, how could I not receive his texts? My response was this is what happens when a person is blocked. His anger sent him out the door which he whipped back behind him, slamming it so hard I was stunned the large picture window didn't break. The entire place shook, and the boom brought Angel Baby out of his room, wondering what had happened. For a year and a half, I've been open about not wanting to remain in this relationship. I did agree t...

The darn cold bug found me and crawled inside. Runny nose then stuffy nose then runny nose. Tired. Scratchy throat. I can't remember the last time I had a cold. When this one passes, I hope it's a long, long time before I get another one. Funny Delightful Son came home from school Friday. He prepared homemade pizza for all of us Saturday evening, and we sat around the kitchen table for several hours enjoying his creations. Lovely Beautiful Daughter had a squishy pink elephant named Ernest along, telling us about his escapades during the time she was at her second job, a Chinese restaurant. It was obvious the restaurant wasn't busy and she along with her co-worker were filling the time with silliness. At one point during dinner, I got up to check on Ado. He'd been sequestered to my bedroom since FDS's plus one was visiting and LBD's plus one was also visiting. Ado isn't a fan of either. Though he's met them several times and even seemed to come to ter...

Since starting back to work in August, I've been cycling to work nearly every day. I've had an odd day here or there when I rode the bus, like rainy days, but usually I ride my bike. This gives me ten miles a day, five miles to work and five miles to home. Depending on how fast I go, my Garmin tells me I burn anywhere from 230 - 280 calories with each five miles, so I burn around 500 calories a day by riding my bike (and this afternoon, after I arrived home, I achieved the 1000 miles cycled for the year -- really since June 1). Also since starting back to work in August, I've stopped eating breakfast. This came about for two reasons: 1) it frees up time in the morning. I used to spend anywhere from a half hour to 45 minutes making the meal and eating the meal. Now I use that time to read or clean the apartment; and 2) I wanted to try the intermittent fasting I'd read about. I was really never all that hungry after waking, and I wanted to try to lose about ten pounds...

So, after an early morning conference call, all I can say is, "I told you so." I've been telling my husband for a year and a half now that the financial burden was going to be laid on me since I'm the one with the steady, reliable income. He kept insisting we wouldn't be held responsible for the full amount because of his heart attack and unemployment. After reviewing each of our assets and expenses, the verdict came: one person is in the negative (my husband) and one person is in the positive (me). Because one person is in the positive (me), the full amount owed must be paid. I told you so. I told you so. I told you so. Sheesh. I mean really, it's not rocket science. It's money owed because someone thought he was smarter than the system and could get away with fudging numbers despite me constantly telling him he was going to cause financial problems for us. Gee, look what happened. Exactly what I said was going to happen. Even during the c...

Thursday, when I knew all of the folders/docs I'd had on my work computer were not going to be recovered, I told a colleague I was going to look at the situation as an opportunity to start with a clean slate. While I lost years of documents that pretty much told the story of my time at the college, do those documents really mean all that much? After all, I've already reached the top rung of the ladder regarding my teaching position -- I cannot go up. Thankfully, I cannot go down, either. I've reached a holding pattern. The clean slate just might be exactly what I need to move out of the holding pattern, move along the path that will be the next part of my life journey. As part of my clean slate state of mind, I went into work yesterday and set to work eliminating things that have been taking up space. I had two boxes of stuff -- trinkets students have given me over the years, pens, markers, paper clips, and a bunch of other little items I no longer need/use/want -- si...