Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

Eight, maybe nine years ago, I was frustrated with my sons. Both were deep into gaming, spending hour after hour on their computers. I didn't understand how they could sit like that, hours at a time, staring at a screen, their fingers moving quickly on the keys to operate the character they'd created within the game. I would call them to lunch or dinner and hear, "It'll be a bit. I'm in the middle of a game!" I didn't understand why they couldn't just pause it and come eat the meal I had spent time making. I would ask them to complete a chore I'd asked them to do two days before. Again, it would be, "I can't. I'm in the middle of something here!" I would get angry. One day, I'd reached that moment a lot of parents reach: I thought I had failed. In being supportive of their love for gaming, in allowing them to buy games labeled "Mature" when they weren't able to buy the games themselves I'd enabled a behavior ...

It's official: I'm over the gray, cool, rainy weather we've been having for the past three weeks. I don't live in the Pacific Northwest because I just don't like and/or enjoy day after day of gray, gloomy weather. Every now and then is fine, but for Pete's sake, enough already. Mother Nature, please be kind and give us some heat and sunshine!  Okay, weather rant over. Thankfully I was able to get most of the house painting finished before being sidelined by the weather. All that's left are the corbels, some of the front porch, and the basement windows. Not a lot at all, but it's quite frustrating to not be able to work and complete the job. What is finished is absolutely beautiful! Seriously beautiful. I had this vision in my mind about how the green, brown, and pale yellow would work together, and the reality is even better than what I imagined. Every time I walk the dogs and approach the house as we return, I'm struck by how the house seems so much...

A funny thing happened last week. Ado and I were on our final evening walk, right at dark, and we found our way to Jersey hill. As we circled around to head down to the creek, I noticed a couple walking behind us. They were chatting, but I wasn't paying any attention to them. I was mostly just following Ado wherever his nose was taking him. When we reached the treeline by the creek, Ado stopped to really check out whatever he found interesting. I turned to see how close the couple was and realized they were closer than I'd thought. I didn't fully take in the faces, but before I could turn back to make sure Ado wasn't going on alert, the woman said, "Well hey! How are you?" At one time, I had considered this woman a friend. Her son and Angel Baby were in the same class and were best buds. Then, she became a teacher at the school our kids attended. Funny Delightful Son had her as his teacher, and they butted heads. Constantly. At one point, when I arrive...

As I was sitting at my desk last night, Lovely Beautiful Daughter came in and wrapped her arms around me. "I love you, Mama," she said. "I want you to know, too, how proud I am of you." I leaned my head against her shoulder, unsure of what to say. When she sat on the end of my bed, I looked at her. I could see the little girl that had always made me laugh. I could see the young woman who is so kind. A free spirit who sees the bright side of life. I smiled and told her thank you. "Really. The last few weeks have been rough, but you've stood your ground. You're not giving in. You're moving in the direction you want to go." I've been trying to keep the things happening with my husband quiet. I try not to say much around the kids. This past week, with seeing the lawyer and going over to get a few more things from my husband's place, I've not been able to keep things as low-key as I like. I've been tense. And I know more ...

From my daily journal: Tuesday, May 2, 2017: I am in the writing center. I sit and listen as a student confides in me about a tough decision she had to make this week: telling the man she’s been in a relationship with for some time to leave. He doesn’t support me, she says. He’s always telling me I can’t do this (return to college), she says. I’m 50 and this is the third time I’ve tried to get a degree, she says. I will do this. I will finish, she tells me. As I watch this beautiful woman’s face go from sad to determined to resigned to happy. I tell her about all the women I have met over the years whose boyfriends or husbands were unhappy with them going to college, learning, finding out how smart they truly are. And I think back to just yesterday when I arrived at work, feeling so fortunate for being able to extricate myself from a toxic relationship. Thinking about all the women out there who cannot because they don't have a support network. Or they...

Funny Delightful Son told me today that he kissed his girlfriend, and it scared him to death. My response was, "Well, despite that, was it everything you thought it would be?" He grinned, saying, "Yeah. It was." For nearly two months now, Funny Delightful Son has been seeing a very lovely young lady. She is the one that got away for Homecoming. Another young man beat Funny Delightful Son to asking her out, so she accepted his invitation. This led to FDS playing it cool, waiting for Homecoming to come and go, biding his time until he felt the dust had settled, and he could ask her out without another young man being in the picture. When that time came, FDS asked Lovely Young Lady out to dinner and they've been seeing each other ever since. They've written each other letters and poems. They Skype during the evenings they don't get to see each other. They Snapchat constantly. When they're together, you can tell they simply enjoy each other...

I love watching the Olympics. Watching athletes in phenomenal shape motivates me to work a little harder when I'm running or biking. I know I'll never be in the kind of shape the athletes are, but I know I can improve and be better than where I am today. Knowing this has made me make adjustments to how I'm working towards the sprint tri, and because I'm seeing some real improvements in the three different areas, I see a tremendous effect on my mindset, not just with working out, either. Other areas of my life are benefitting from the time being spent on the treadmill, the bike, and in the water. One major turn in my outlook is not to waste time. I put a post-it note in my office with the message, "Every second counts." Everyday I see this as I'm working, and I've been so much more productive in getting papers read, assignments drawn up, and other work-related matters taken care of. I don't watch as much TV anymore, either. This has been an area of ...