Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

A friend mentioned in a comment that he read David Perlmutter's Grain Brain , and is especially interested in the studies that "show a strong relationship between high blood sugar, insulin resistance, and cognitive / neurological problems." I, too, am very interested in all of these ideas, so I decided to check out Grain Brain . Just a few pages into the book, I was thinking, "My gosh. This is some scary shit." Part of me wanted to think Perlmutter is fear-mongering and working for some big business of some kind, and that eventually I was going to get to the chapter where Perlmutter was going to try and sell me something. Granted, I'm not that far into the book yet, so I haven't come across the selling chapter if there is one, but what I've read so far has been extremely interesting, making me want to continue reading. A month or so ago, I read Real Food: What to Eat and Why by Nina Planck, and one chapter in her book that really got me thinking ...

Wednesday I received the all-clear from the doc to return to whatever activities I wish. He seemed pleased with my healing and said to check in in three weeks, so I bounced out of his office, happy, happy, happy. My mind since then has turned to getting back on the bike, but I have three more weeks of school, family obligations sometimes come first (actually all the time come first), and the weather is up and down, making getting on the bike a bit difficult. I was able to ride to work Friday, and it was just so pleasant. As I passed the crossing guard at the elementary school, as the kids were arriving for the day, he checked his watch and called, "I'm timing you!" I replied that my speed was a constant slow. He laughed and waved. On my return later that afternoon, he called, "There she is! I'm still timing you!" I was still just meandering along, in no hurry. Yesterday, I had hoped to get out for a 10 miler, but the trip to Chicago for a birthday lunch ...

This morning was "weigh day," so I turned on the shower, and while it was warming up I stepped onto the scale. When the number that appeared showed a 5 pound loss, I stepped off, let the scale reset, then stepped back on. The same number appeared again. Just to make sure the scale wasn't messing with me, I stepped off one more time then stepped back on. The same number popped up. I figured three times in a row wasn't a fluke. The next thought that entered my mind was: did I have 5 pounds worth of flesh removed with my surgery? I'm pretty sure I did. One of the most notable changes I'm experiencing since the surgery is how light I feel. Pre-surgery, I was constantly adjusting, re-adjusting, and uncomfortable. Sports bras were the worst comfort offenders, mostly because I had to wear two to really get any support out of them. Back when I was into the sprint triathlons, I had to wear either two sports bras or one really tight sports bra to keep the melons in ch...

Today has been a rough day emotionally. After kind of just wandering around the house, outside, and through the grocery store, I thought the best way to handle my emotions was to write. When I went to the consult for the breast reduction surgery, the doc had me raise my right hand and swear I would not get angry at him about the size of my breasts post-surgery for at least six weeks. He went on, saying I would go through a period of swelling and not seeing the true results for at least that long, maybe longer. When I went in for my check-up this past Thursday, he measured me, and with a bit of a smirk he said, "You're bigger now than you were last week." To someone who has always tried to minimize the big, this wasn't what I wanted or needed to hear, especially from a man who was trying not to laugh about it. This morning, I could tell the breasts are even bigger than they were on Thursday. Yeah, not funny at all. So I'm trying to convince myself this is just ...

Initially I thought I wouldn't write on this subject, feeling like it was too private/personal to put out there. Now, after giving it some consideration, I'm finding I'm completely okay with others knowing what I did for myself. For such a long time I tried to camouflage/hide/create a sleight of hand kind of appearance, and I'm sure I'm not the only woman to do so out of poor self-image. So, here goes. I am obsessed with . . . wait for it . . . breasts. Specifically, my own. No need to back up and re-read. You read it right the first time, and now you're sitting there with your mouth hanging open and WTF!?!? going through your mind. Want to know more? HA! Of course you do. It all began way back when, when I was a mere 13 years old. That summer, my body changed. I went from being flat-chested to having quite a pair in what seemed like just a few weeks. Along with the dramatic increase to what I disdainfully refer to as my "two watermelons on a downhill r...