The Blog in 2023

Well, I had the thought of closing the blog. I've not been posting recently, and every time I thought about writing a post, that sinking feeling I get when I really don't want to do something filled the pit of my stomach. I've learned to listen to that feeling. I've learned it's telling me I'm not ready yet. More time needs to pass. More healing has to happen . . . whatever is hurting needs more space, more time.

Over the last few months, the hurting has been the incredibly huge, empty space left when I said goodbye to Ado. Even now, the sadness creeps up on me nearly every day. Murphy, too, is still adjusting to being without his best buddy. I try to keep Murphy busy, which keeps me busy, so we both have some respite from missing Ado. But I know I'm not what Murphy really needs. 

I realized recently just how much most of my days are filled with silence. I haven't had the stereo on, listening to my albums or my CDs like I used to. I only listened to Christmas music on Christmas day this season, and that was when I was cooking the evening meal. When I'm in the Jeep, the radio is off. More and more, I prefer silence these days. The silence reminds me of Ado's quiet, comforting presence.

Yesterday, I ended up taking Murphy to the vet. I noticed he was limping after we played frisbee, and upon closer examination, I saw one of his nails had broken near the nail bed. The vet clipped the nail (along with all the other very long nails), and on our way out, he said, "Murphy's a really good dog, but he's no Ado." I love Murphy to pieces, but I know exactly what the vet was saying. Ado just had something about him that made people stop and admire him. I don't know how many times over the years I was stopped on our walks by someone gushing over Ado. He was an amazing dog.

A student from several semesters ago wrote about her dogs and how they filled her life with so much joy and love. She was struggling to write the conclusion to her essay, and I wrote a note on the last page suggesting she consider how dog is God spelled backwards. Many will tell me I'm nuts for thinking this, and that's fine, but it seems that dogs and God have a lot in common, with unconditional love being first and foremost. That student ended up using my suggestion as part of her conclusion and it wrapped up her paper exactly as was needed.

After all my thinking about closing the blog, I've decided to continue at least for this year. 2023 might be my last with A Clunk Upstairs, but only time will tell.