Standing at the Trailhead of Winter

Murphy and I have been keeping busy, trying to keep the sadness somewhat at bay. It's been tough. I find myself constantly thinking about Ado. And Murphy basically told me no when I put his dinner in Ado's bowl instead of the little one he'd been eating out of for the last nearly two years. When I put the food in the bowl, then put the bowl in it's wooden holder, Murphy looked at me like, "What in the world, hoomin. That is not where my food goes." He then barked his resistance. It took a bit of cajoling to get him to be okay with eating out of Ado's bowl. Last week we went to the lake I took Ado to for his first longer hike. Murphy and I walked the path, and I remembered so much of being there with Ado. Murphy enjoyed the hike and was one tuckered out pup when we got home. Yesterday, we went to another park I've never been to before. Before we set off on our walk, I pulled out the bag with two donuts and shared them with Murphy. I think he preferred t...

It seems like a huge, dark hole has opened in the middle of my house. I skirt the edges, trying not to fall in. But then I see his favorite spot to sleep and I can't keep the tears back. Or I go to get Murphy's leash and I see his hanging from the hook, bringing the tears to the surface once again. His empty food bowl provokes yet more tears.  My hope above all other hopes is that he knew he was so, so loved.

I had a wonderful break from the blog. And from writing in general. At first I was upset with myself for stepping away entirely, but as the weeks passed I learned to give myself some grace about letting go. Letting go of old dreams. Writing/publishing are old dreams. I've done both. Then I found myself at the point of not enjoying the writing part, and the trying to publish part even less. I fought with myself for a long time, not being willing to give up, but my gut was saying it was the right thing to do. And it was. Now? I don't know . . . we'll see.  My summer was all about the greenhouse and flowers. Enjoyed every single minute.